Somehow it feels more intimate than the intense sex we had just moments before.
But as I stare ahead I can’t help but think of the scars he bears. How someone could do something so malicious.
“You’ve gone stiff,” he notes lowly. “Is something wrong? Are you in pain?”
“No, I’m not in any real pain.” I’m quick to ease his mind with the clarity he seeks.
“But something is troubling you,” he surmises. Demanding an answer he asks, “What are you thinking about?”
I contemplate broaching the subject once more. He’s already evaded the question earlier. And as much as I want to pry I also know he’s set a boundary. “Nothing,” I lie.
He grasps my chin between his fingers and tips my head back to force me to look up at him.
God is he criminally beautiful. From his prominent cheekbones to his roguish lips and aristocratic nose. The sheen of water only enhances his features. I sigh in appreciation. God really does have his favorites.
“You’re lying. Don’t lie to me. Being with you is the most honest I’ve been in my entire life. Don’t taint it with lies.”
My heart clenches. “That’s beautiful and sad.”
“But it’s the truth.” He skims his nose along mine and presses a sweet chaste kiss to my lips. “Now tell me.” There’s a hardened edge to his voice. He quickly softens it. “Please.”
“I was thinking about you,” I whisper.
His brows pinch. “What about me?”
I hesitate. Blowing out a breath I tell him, “I just wonder what life was like for you. If it was. . .kind.”
“Is life kind to anyone?”
“It’s harsher to some.”
He raises a brow. “And you believe I fall under the harsher category.”
“Am I wrong?”
“No,” he answers on an exhale. “You wouldn’t be.”
As he releases my chin I see the distance growing in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have?—”
“Don’t.” Grasping my hips he positions me on his lap. “I asked and you answered honestly.” He sighs heavily. A deep rooted trouble resides in the depths of his eyes. “The world and I have decided a long time ago that I don’t quite fit.” There’s an undertone of sorrow in words that I don’t think he recognizes.
I run my hands aimlessly over his chest, soothing him as I approach the question carefully. “Do you want to fit in?”
I feel his muscles tense beneath me. Offering more comfort I place a feather light kiss to his collarbone. Then another to the hollow of his throat. His fingers bury themselves deeper in my hips.
He breathes, “I don’t know.”
The strings of my heart pull. To want to be seen but not know how. I frame his face tenderly in my hands. “Do you ever tire of feeling lonely?”
“To be frank I’ve never understood how I felt. I just knew whenever it was too much or overwhelming that I. . .” He struggles to find the words.
“You did what, Rico?”
His lips twitch. “Isolated. It’s the only way I could deal with it all. And when the maelstrom within me settled I could breathe again.”
My brows furrow. “But what about your Famiglia? Don’t they understand you? Accept you?”
“I can be my truest self with Constantine to an extent,” he confesses. “In my eyes I’m working, it’s a performance. So when I’m in the comfort of my own home I can?—”
