“That’s why no one sees me. They have two images of me. The world and the media see the beast I become when I hit the gridiron, my family sees someone soft. No one sees me. I couldn’t marry her. She didn’t see me and didn’t care to.”
“Do you feel guilty for choosing yourself?” Aurora posed.
Khalif bowed his head. That earned him a soft touch, guiding it back center. His brows fused, almost confused by howsomeone he just met did more than someone he’d spent years with.
“Don’t bow your head unless you’re praying.”
He nodded with thankfulness and continued.
“Yeah. A lot of it. The guilt has been on me since I realized I would be the one carrying everyone. Leading the family but doing everything they say makes me feel more of a puppet than anything else. How am I thirty-two and I still feel like a little ass boy looking for approval?” Silence fell between them as Khalif sat back and peered at the lake. “You asked me something last night that keeps playing in my head.”
Aurora furrowed her brows this time. “What could I have possibly asked you that’s on repeat?”
He turned to face her. “You asked me if she made me feel like a man.”
Aurora immediately pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. She recalled that – recalled the look in his eye and the follow-up.
“And then you told me to tell you what made me feel like a man. I didn’t answer it because I didn’t want to say the shit out loud.”
“Well… we’re here now.”
“You see me.” He finally gave her an answer to her question. “That shit right there makes me feel like I’m that motherfucka.”
That response made Aurora’s heartbeat as if it was coming out of her chest while her yoni throbbed at the same time. She tightened her thighs, refusing to break her last two rules. She couldn’t break them.
A faint smile crossed her lips as her brain searched for an excuse to escape his presence that was getting ready to swallow her whole. “I’m happy I could help.”
Unbeknownst to Aurora, Khalif was exercising every ounce of control he possessed. He had rules too. He had a moral compass and didn’t want to fuck away his troubles or use her asa rebound. She was too good for that. He needed a break from her energy.
“Me too,” he spoke. “You need something to drink?”
“Yes,” Aurora answered breathlessly as if she’d been deprived of a basic human need. “Water?”
“Yeah, hold on,” Khalif said, standing and taking long strides up the stairs toward the deck to the back door.
Away from Aurora, he sighed in relief. In the kitchen, he pressed his hands against the counter and looked down at his sweatpants-covered legs. “You got to chill.”
Aurora was on the floating deck giving her yoni the same speech. “We don’t know this man. You will not do something we can’t take back.”
After their prolonged speeches, they were back in each other’s space. The conversation took turns, they shared more about themselves, and the sun beginning to set gave Aurora her out. She stood, stretched slightly, and smiled down at him.
“It’s getting late. I should go.”
Abandoning control, Khalif took her wrist. “Stay.”
six
. . .
Aurora’s mouthgrew dry and for a millisecond, she entertained the possibility of what staying entailed. The thought of Khalif’s hand anywhere other than the safe zones forced her to swallow the desert-like lump in her throat. That was all she could do because she didn’t want to break his contact with her. If anything, she wanted more. More would have her in his bed, ending her five years of abstinence. That fact alone was all the more reason for her to leave before her sense fled and she woke up in a state of regret.
Before she could tell herself to remove her wrist from his large, warm hand, he stood and continued.
“I owe you for the burgers. There’s food here. I can cook.”
“Khalif Wright cooks?” Aurora questioned, one of her perfectly-arched brows rose in question.
He nodded proudly. “Roasted duck, lamb chops. I’m a beast on the grill. My pops comes up here every week to hunt so the fridge and the freezer is stocked.”
