Tears fill my eyes again and I swear I’ve never cried as muchin my life but these are happy tears, tears filled with joy that the most important things in my life are here with me.
Over the next couple of days, Dean stayed by my side as I took the time to recover in hospital, but now I’m desperate to go home. To sleep in my own bed and feel the warmth of a decent shower. The doctors visited me a couple of times to let me know that everything was looking well but it would definitely be a long road to full recovery, physically and mentally.
I decided to get back in touch with my therapist too. I know these mental wounds would heal on their own, but I wasn’t ashamed to admit that I needed help along the way with it. Therapy and medication has always been a bit of a stigma in my life, but I’ve soon realised that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.
Dean deserves to have the best version of me, even if he is willing to hold onto my jagged pieces in the meantime, and I deserve the best version of me too.
There’s a small knock at the door and Dean rises from the chair and pulls it open. Immediately Eli and Cecilia walk in and warmth fills my heart at the sight of them both.
“There she is.” Eli says with a proud smile. “You gave us a scare back there but I never doubted you for a second.” He walks to the side of the bed before lowering to plant a quick kiss on my forehead and I catch Dean in the corner of my eye, his jaw ticking.
“Don’t be jealous, love.” I taunt with a smile on my face.
“Me?” He points to himself. “Jealous? Never.” He says, clearing his throat which causes us all to laugh.
Laugh, something I haven’t done in a while but now it feels good. Freeing even.
I turn to face Eli, taking his hand in mine. “Thank you, for everything. Both of you.” I say, looking at Cecilia too. She gives me a warm smile and places the bag she’s carrying onto the floor before moving her husband out of the way to wrap her arms around me in a loving hold. Her floral scent wafts into my nose and I breathe it in heavily.
“You’re a fighter,mi amor.” She whispers into my ears and I have to focus on not letting the tears fall again. Cecilia pulls away and goes back to the bag she left on the floor. “I brought you some fresh clothes and toiletries to have a shower with before you go home.”
“I appreciate that, thank you.”
God, just the sound of getting out of this hospital gown and washing my hair sounds like a dream.
Eli and Cecilia stay for a while longer before offering to take Lyla back to theirs for a change of scenery which Dean happily accepts. We say our goodbyes and I begin to pull the white sheet off my legs, assessing the damage. Bruises litter my skin and the wounds on my knees have begun to scab over now. The bullet wound on my calf has been treated and re-wrapped.
“Need my help mama?” Dean offers with his hand outstretched to me and I take it, slipping my uninjured hand into his.
“Yes please. I’d like a shower.”
“Say no more.”
Dean guides me off the bed until my bare feet hit the cold floor of the hospital room, then he helps me walk over to the shower that’s connected to the room, flicking it on and letting the water grow warm. Steam quickly fills the small space and immediately, I feel ashamed.
“Are you okay baby?” Dean says, tucking his finger under my chin to tilt my head and I stare into his gaze, searching for a hint of disgust that I know in my mind I won’t find.
“I just.. feel dirty.” I admit. His brows crease and I can see his jaw ticking with underlying anger before he quickly schools his features into something softer.
“Then let me clean you, let me take this away from you. Give it to me instead.”
Pausing for a moment, I ponder on his words, swishing them around in my brain before nodding. Accepting his offer. He walks me into the walk-in shower then spins me around so my back is now facing him and I can feel his body heat radiating through my skin. A protector who will always have my back.
Gently, I feel his fingers gather my hair before laying it over my shoulder, then he moves down my back to where the gown is tied in a loose knot, carefully he pulls at the strings until I feel the cold air skate across my back, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
His strong fingers graze down my spine before pushing the gown open, letting it fall to the floor and I stand there. Exposed. Bare, naked for him. Immediately I wrap my arms around myself, covering what I can, feeling nothing but shame at what I look like now.
Dean presses his chest to my back then lays his hands on my arms before placing a small kiss on my shoulder. I jump at the contact but he quickly soothes my worries.
“It’s me mama, it’ll always be me.”
It will always be him, I remind myself and let him run his hands up and down my arms. My eyelids instantly close at the tender touch and I tilt my head back, letting it fall onto his chest and for the first time, I allow my body to relax instead of being stuck in a constant state of fight or flight.
“You’re safe with me.” He tells me. “You’re my home, and I’m yours.”
It’s true. This man is my home. The four walls that will do everything to keep me safe and warm.
Lifting my head from his chest, I turn to face him. His hands quickly find my face like they were always meant to be there and he drags his thumb across my bottom lip which causes my body to shudder from the pleasant feeling and I drop my arms, baring myself to him.
