My eyes begin to sting from keeping them open but I refuse to look away. My husband’s words mean nothing to me, they’re useless and empty and he,andhis men can use me until there’s nothing left. I’ve lived my life and the months spent with Dean and Lyla were the best I could have ever asked for. I’d found real love and that’s more than can be said for others who maybe never find it in their lives. My soul died the moment I was thrown headfirst into this place and if my husband thinks he can break me, more than I already am. He’s never been more wrong in his sad, pathetic life.
I hope in my broken heart that Dean never finds me like this. I want him to remember me how I was before, carefree and happy, not this shell of a person. He doesn’t deserve that.
Unclenching my jaw, I bring my face closer to Ricky until our noses are touching. “So use me. Use me until there’s nothing left, but let me say this, you willneverhave my soul.”
Ricky’s gray eyes flare at my words, his jaw ticking rapidly and before I know it, I’m thrown over the rickety wooden desk, my chest slamming heavily into the hard surface, causing the air to flood out of my lungs. I don’t even have the chance to catch my breath before Ricky tears the back of my dress in half, leaving me naked and vulnerable in front of him. I feel him lean over me, the expensive material of his suit grazing the backs of my thighs. He feeds his hand into the back of my hair and grips the strands tightly in a vice grip to lift my head from the desk, causing my neck to crack at the force of the awkward angle.
“I’ll make you regret your fucking words, wife.” He seethes into my ear before ramming his cock into me with vicious force whilst shoving my face into the desk, the rough wooden surface scrapes against the side of my face every time he shoves into me. The noise of his grunts and the creaking of the desk sends me into a dark place, a familiar friend who I fall into every time I’m used for someone else’s pleasure. My mind becomes a vat of nothingness, an empty space for hurt and pain to flourish in the darkness. A garden filled with dismay.
The harsh wood of the desk rubs against my face and tears well in my eyes but they don’t fall, like they’re conditioned to stay where they are. Frozen in time, unable to move. Just like myself.
Seven hundred and thirty eight hours, and counting.
That’s how long I’ve been without my Ana.
The hours turned into days, and the days bled into weeks and I’ve never felt more hollow or empty in my life. I feel like a part of my soul is missing, the other half of my being ripped away from me in a violent attack. A cruel and sickening nightmare that I can’t wake up from.
I can’t eat or sleep, my job has taken a back seat and my mental health has taken a major blow because all I can think about is finding Ana, sick with dread over whether she’s alive or not.
Eli has been working around the clock to try and locate the car that was used to run Ana off the road but his searches have proven fruitless. Every time we managed to find a lead, it would show up empty, leaving us back at square one again. A vicious cycle that’s hitting me from all sides. Blow after blow, I’m knocked down to my knees again.
“Dean, you gotta eat man.” Eli’s worried voice trickles into my mind, causing me to lift my heavy head from my hands. We’ve been working endlessly on tracking Ricky, to find out anythingabout his past, his job. Any little morsel that will give us something to go on.
“I can’t. Nothing tastes right without her.” I murmur back to Eli who rounds the kitchen island before coming to stand at my side. His hand lands heavily on my shoulder.
“I get it man, I do. I’d be out of my mind if Cecilia went missing and we’re doing everything we can to find Ana, but you can’t keep up like this. You’re not sleeping or showering, and you’ve barely eaten anything. I’m worried about you man.” I can hear the concern in Eli’s voice but he doesn’t understand. His wife is still here, and my future wife, the love of my life, isn’t here where she’s supposed to be. She’s fucking gone and I don’t know what to do about it, or where to fucking start. I’m swimming in an endless ocean.
“Why don’t you go and shower and I’ll make you something to eat?”
I shake my head to tell him no but he doesn’t accept my answer, instead he pushes me out of the kitchen and into the bathroom before turning the dial in the shower. Immediately hot water fires through the shower head, quickly steaming up the bathroom.
“I can’t see you like this anymore man, it’s killing me.”
I turn to face Eli, his face full of worry for me.
“If you find-” I start, but I’m quickly cut off.
“If I find something whilst you’re in here, you bet your ass I’ll be right back in here to tell you. I promise.” My best friend’s eyes shine with that promise and I nod my head, not trusting myself to not break down on the spot.
“Thank you. I won’t be long.” I say as Eli leaves.
Grabbing the back of my shirt, I yank the material over my headand drop it on the bathroom floor before stepping out of my gray sweatpants and boxers, leaving the dirty clothes in a heap and stepping into the scalding shower. The water hits me like volcanic bullets but it’s a welcome sensation to my constant cold state. I turn my head towards the spray and let the water run over my face, the droplets quickly soaking into my skin as I run my hands through my hair that’s grown a considerable length since Ana’s been gone. I could probably tie it up now. I wonder if Ana would like it?
The thought of her has my knees buckling underneath me and a stabbing pain searing right through my chest where my heart once was. The moment Ana disappeared, she took the beating muscle with her and now I’m desperate for her to return it.
Images of our time together come flooding back to me in rough waves as I rest my forehead against the cold tiles.
Wildflowers, varying in shades of blues, yellows and pinks sway in the summer breeze in the garden. The sound of Ana’s voice has me spinning on my feet to pinpoint where she is. The afternoon sun beams down on her perfect form as she floats on the clear water of the river that sits at the end of our garden, the soft waves glittering under the burning sun around her.
“Get in here Dean!” Ana’s angelic voice breaks me from my trance and I walk across the grass towards her until I reach the waters edge, the waves lapping gently near my feet. Her onyx waves float effortlessly on the water like spilled oil, her supple body glistening with crystal droplets. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of her, completely enthralled with her.
Ana pulls her feet back underneath the surface, leaving only her shoulders, neck and head above the surface. The long locks of her hair flows like a black river down her back.
“Instead of gawking, why don’t you join me?” She teases, herocean eyes shining with love.
“Yeah, I think I might, pretty girl.”
Ana’s gaze stays locked on me as I strip out of my muscle vest, shorts and hat, leaving them in a pile on the edge of the river bank. Her eyes bug wide when she sees me slipping my boxers off, my cock already painfully hard for her.
