“I do,” I’d mutter as if I hated it the entire time.
I didn’tloveit, and I preferred playing with my friends, but I loved my sister from the moment she was born.In my eyes, she glowed.With her big blue eyes and blonde hair, I thought she was an angel.
She wasn’t.
She was cheeky, manipulated all of us to get what she wanted, and it worked.But she did it with a smile and seemed to love life with a passion no one else I knew had.
Maybe we all shielded her from Dad’s drinking.I know I tried.I wasn’t so lucky.I was old enough to understand the adult language when he first lost his job, then when he couldn’t find another one.
Eventually, he was offered a job that wasbeneath himand chose instead to go to the bar and drink.
Which he’s never stopped doing.
Mom got a job helping a local bookstore with their bookkeeping to pay the bills and keep us all afloat.She’s been there since but was recently told they were investing in software.
Soon she won’t be needed.
“We’re ten years until we retire; this is bullshit,” Dad said two nights ago when I popped by.“Utter bullshit.You’re lucky you have a job where you can’t be replaced, Jake.”
The fuck?
I’d kept my mouth shut for too many years.His victim mentality was starting to grate on my nerves.I knew better than to upset him, but the words fell out.
“I’m not lucky; I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am.”
“It’s not the same,” he grumbled.
“Itisthe same.Do you not think I’ve had competition and people wanting my job?Had it threatened and had to fight to keep it?I have!”
“Things were different back then—”
“No, they fucking weren’t—”
“Jake.Stop.”Mom shook her head, looking panicked.“Please don’t fight.”
“I’mnotfighting.I’m trying to make him understand he can’t stay angry at BlackTop Engineering forever.Life sucks.Get over it.Take another job and work your way up.”
“At my age?”Dad looked disgusted with me, and that was the problem.His ego was in charge, and until he got over that, he’d keep going to the bar, living in the past and hating the three men who took his job away.
The fact that the other fifty people who were laid off had moved on with their lives and taken new jobs over a decade ago seemed to go right over his head.
I’m surprised I didn’t get a call that night after midnight.I’d expected it and fortunately, slept through the night.With Caylee in my arms.
I know my message didn’t get through, and I’m not naïve enough to think anything will change.It hasn’t for years, and I’m fully prepared that the old man will die of some alcohol related disease...or an accident.
Taking someone with him.
And if Mom doesn’t find another job with her minimal skill sets, I could be supporting his fucking habit.
In some ways I’m glad Becca isn’t here...
I immediately regret the thought.
If she were, I know I’d be an uncle, holding her little mini me in my arms like I see Caylee doing with Zara, love pouring from her eyes.
Cole is a lucky fucker.He has a wife he loves and a beautiful daughter.
I wonder if I’d be married with kids if I weren’t hindered by this family shame.
