Caylee wraps her arms around herself and waits for me to share more.Once I do, it’s over.She may never want to be with me.Not because I’m hiding something...but because I’m me.
The son of a murderer.
“He’s an alcoholic.”
I feel like I’m giving away state secrets, that SEAL Team Six is about to rappel down out of a Seahawk chopper.Or the FBI will burst through the doors with my mom wearing her dressing gown, looking furious.
“I’m sorry.”Caylee unwraps her arms and drops a hand on my arm.
Shaking my head, feeling like an enormous traitor, I take her hand and pull her closer.“I’ve never told a soul.It’s our dirty family secret.”
“Hey.”She rubs my arm, and suddenly I can’t shut up.
“He goes out and drives.She can’t stop him; hell, I can’t stop him.”I rub my forehead, almost back in my family home with it happening.“He killed my sister when we were kids.”
“Jesus, Jake.”Caylee gasps.“On purpose?”
“Drunk driving.He never got charged...because I lied to the police.I told them the bottle broke in the accident, and the other driver was also drunk.So, he got off.”
She licks her lips, her eyes roaming my face.
“How old were you?”
“I’d just turned fourteen.”
“Had he been drinking a long time?”
I nod, dropping my eyes.
I know where she’s going with this.It’s not my fault.I was a kid.Alcoholism is a disease.
Blah, blah, blah.
It’s not untrue, but I’ve been made to feel like it is my fault by the two people I should have been able to trust.It’s going to take some time to undo all that bullshit.
“Who have you talked to?”she asks instead.
I lift my eyes.
“No one,” I reply in a soft, gruff voice.“I was told not to.Ever.”
“Including me,” she almost whispers.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Jake.”Tears slip down her face, and I see it now.I see what I’ve been missing.This woman loves me.
And I love her...so fucking much.
Caylee wraps her arms around me, and I close my eyes, feeling like the little boy in me has finally, for the first time in my life, been heard.
Been embraced.
For me.
The me I don’t have to hide anymore.
“It’s okay,” I rasp into her hair.
