Bile works its way into my throat, years of guilt in my mother’s voice, now inside my head making me feel like a failure.I’m a terrible son.I don’t love them.
How could I do this?
Then, a butterfly appears on the screen, and I have no fucking idea why.I thought we were watching an action movie.I’m not a spiritual man but when I hear my Becca’s voice in my head, I go still.
Mom and Dad are adults, Jake.You have to let them learn the consequences of their behavior.
What the hell?
Becca.
Stay with your girl.
The butterfly disappears, a park scene replaces it and the subtitles start rolling.
I dip my eyes to Caylee and then glance around the room.Did I just imagine that?
Fuck, I must be exhausted.
Rubbing my face, I glance at my watch.It’s after eleven.
Then the phone starts up again, vibrating loudly.
You have a choice.Be wise, brother mine.
Caylee stirs, half sitting up, and stares at the phone.Sad eyes lift to mine, then dart away as she climbs off the sofa.
“Caylee, wait.”I reach for her but miss.
“It’s fine.Just go.”
Climbing to my feet, I cross the room and cut her off as she heads down the hall.
I’ve made my decision.Whether my sister’s voice was just my imagination or divine intervention, I’ll never know, but she’s right.My parents are adults, not goddamn children.They have used me as a crutch for years, and I let them.
Dad killed Becca.
I might have lied, but I was a stupid child.I’ll have to live with that forever, but that doesn’t mean I open the bottle and put it to my father’s lips each day.
He does that.
Not me.
“I’m not leaving, Caylee.”I grab her shoulders.“I’m staying here.With you.”
She glances back at the phone, which is still vibrating, then with such sadness it almost breaks my heart she says, “You should.Whoever it is, you should take it.”
“What are you saying?”I swallow.
Her palm lands on my pec as she shakes her head.
“I can’t do this, Jake.I can’t worry when you’ll stay or go.”
I just told her.
Why doesn’t she believe me?
“I’m not doing that anymore,” I say firmly.“Please trust me.I won’t.”
