“Excuse me.” The words came out rougher than intended. “I find I’m rather tired this evening.”
He didn’t wait for a response. Couldn’t bear another moment watching her smile at men who deserved her, whilst he stood aside like a coward, pretending his heart wasn’t tearing itself to pieces.
The cool night air hit him like a slap as he emerged onto the terrace. His hands gripped the stone balustrade hard enough to hurt.
Keeping his promise—finding her a suitable husband, ensuring her future, doing the honourable thing—might very well destroy him.
And the worst part? He’d have no one to blame but himself.
CHAPTER 17
“You left rather abruptly.”
Amelia’s voice cut through the drawing room’s silence, startling Tobias into stillness at the threshold. He’d thought the entire household abed—had counted on it, in fact. The last thing he needed was another conversation where he had to pretend to understand all his emotions.
Yet there she stood before the dying fire, still in that blasted beautiful lilac gown that had tormented him all evening. The candlelight painted her in shades of gold and shadow, making her seem almost ethereal. Untouchable.
“I found the company rather tedious,” he said, proud of how steady his voice remained despite everything. He draped his coat over a chair, tugging at his cravat with fingers that felt clumsy. “You seemed to be managing well enough without my presence.”
“Did I?” She turned fully to face him, and something in her expression made his breath catch. “I’m not certain I’d call it managing. Surviving, perhaps. Performing.”
He moved further into the room before he could think better of it, drawn by forces he’d long since stopped trying to name. “You danced beautifully. Denby could scarcely take his eyes off you.”
“You were watching us.”
The observation was unexpected, her verbalization of it was even more so. He froze mid-step, watching colour bloom across her cheeks even as her chin lifted with that particular defiance he’d come to know so well.
“I was merely ensuring your return to society proceeded smoothly,” he said, the lie tasting like ash. “As promised.”
“Of course.” Her laugh held no humour. “How very dutiful of you, my lord. Tell me, did Lord Denby meet with your approval? Should I expect a formal offer of courtship within the fortnight?”
“If he has any sense whatsoever.” The words emerged rougher than intended, scraped raw by six months of wanting what he couldn’t have. “He’d be a fool not to pursue you.”
“And you would encourage such pursuit?”
No. Heavens, no. The very thought makes me want to commit violence.
“I would encourage whatever makes you happy,” he said instead, each word a small death.
She was quiet for a long moment, her gaze searching his face with an intensity that made him want to look away. To flee before she saw too much, understood too clearly how thoroughly she’d undone him.
“I realized tonight,” she said at last, her voice softer now, “that I’ve never truly learned to dance properly. My husband wasn’t... fond of such things. He said waltzing was indecent. That respectable ladies didn’t press themselves against strange men in public.”
The casual cruelty of it—of Edward denying her even that small pleasure—made Tobias’s jaw tighten. “My brother was a fool.”
For some reason, he didn’t want to call Edward her husband. He could not—or would not—think about what that meant.
“Was he?” She moved closer, and Tobias found himself rooted in place, unable to retreat even as every instinct screamed danger. “Perhaps he simply understood propriety better than some.”
“Propriety is often just another word for cruelty dressed in evening clothes.”
Her lips quirked at that, a ghost of genuine amusement flickering across her features. “How very radical of you, my lord. Next you’ll be suggesting women should be allowed to vote.”
“Why not?” He forced himself to smile, to match her lighter tone even as his heart hammered against his ribs. “You’ve managed an entire estate for six months. I’d wager you understand politics better than half the House of Lords.”
“You’re trying to distract me.”
“Is it working?”
