But Edward was gone.
The thought brought neither grief nor relief—only a still acceptance. He had been her husband. The father of a child.
Society would expect her to truly mourn him, feel a widow’s grief rather than… liberation.
Was she an awful person for being grateful that Henry would not know his father’s coldness? Was it betrayal to think Tobias a better father-figure than her husband?
“I married you willingly,” she whispered to the portrait. “I stood before God and vowed to honour you, and here I am… barely two months after your death and…”
And I do not miss you.
Even though he would not, could not, hear her, she couldn’t say the words. Felt far too guilty to admit it out loud.
“But Tobias…” her cheeks warmed. “He plays with Henry,” she tried to explain to the disapproving picture of her husband. “He laughs with him, and… he cares for me. Not for the family name, but for me… who I am as a person, and you… Did you? Did you marry me because some part of you cared? Or was I a mere sufficient list on a piece of paper and no more?”
She released a deep breath and pressed her hands to her eyes.
She had to sleep—or try at least.
She moved to the bed, pulled the covers over her face to shield herself from her husband’s disapproving eyes.
Eventually, after hours of rolling around fruitlessly, sleep mercifully came.
When she woke, it was with a knock at her door. She sat up confusedly, looking around. It was light outside, and the birds were already singing.
Amelia ran a hand through her hair.
She never woke this late.
“Come in!” she managed to get out. Mrs. Boldwood stood in the doorway, a tea tray in her hands.
“Morning, my lady,” she said with a soft smile. “His lordship asked that I do not wake you too early, he took young master Henry out to the gardens. I brought you a spot of tea.”
“Thank you,” Amelia muttered, stifling a yawn. “It is kind of you… and of his lordship.”
Mrs. Boldwood smiled kindly. “Tis no trouble at all, my lady. You… have been through so much lately. We must give you grace.”
Grace.
It was not something she was used to.
“His lordship said you had quite the eventful afternoon as well! The thought of what might have happened…”
She shook her head, and Amelia pursed her lips.
“His lordship should not have risked his life to save mine,” she said simply, and Mrs. Boldwood shook her head, quite firmly.
“No, my lady. He behaved like a gentleman. Always been kind, as a boy. “
Amelia sat up a little straighter at this. She had never before really considered the fact that Edward and Tobias had grown up before Mrs. Boldwood. Of course, the housekeeper had been there when she’d married Edward… but… she’d never really thought of her husband as a child at all.
“What were they like? As brothers, as… as children?”
The question was out before she could think of it, and Mrs. Boldwood smiled with a sigh.
“Oh, complete opposites,” she said easily. “Young Lord Tobias… he was a happy child, always eager to please whilst… the late Lord Edward was the serious one. He did not quite… take to emotion as young Lord Tobias did.”
Amelia smiled wistfully. “I hope Henry will be a happy child.”
