“Nothing,” I say to Mar. “Everything. I can’t think in here.”
“Let’s go get some air.”
She shoves me through the nearest door, into an empty hall painted the color of fresh blood. I slide down the length of the wall, taking a deep breath.
“Is this about Zadyn?”
I snap my gaze to her.
“I saw you two in there.” Mar slumps down beside me and elbows me in the ribs. “Getting cozy.”
“Stop, it’s not like that.”
“Well, if it was like that, let me just say…I approve.”
“He’s my familiar, Mar!”
“He’s gorgeous, is what he is. And he will do everything in his power to make you happy. I am really not seeing the issue here.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“Yoursecondbest friend,” she amends, knocking her knee against mine.
“I’m just…so confused.” My head flops into my hands.
“What is the damn problem?”
I usually appreciate Mar’s no-nonsense talks. Sometimes I need someone to tell me to pull it together, but right now, it feels like I’m crumbling.
There is so much I haven’t even begun to process. Like my almost-marriage. Like sleeping with my mortal enemy—a male who would kill my friends with a smile on his face. Like seeing a future in which I am married to a monster, carrying his little monster babies.
I haven’t told anyone about that. I really don’t think I can.
Fighting back tears, I say, “We are so far off track right now. We’re clubbing while Aegar could be under another attack. While Derek is dead. We’re supposed to be closing the portal, and we’re just raging until the sun comes up.”
“Listen.” Mar lays a gentle hand on mine. “When you live as long as we have, you realize that moments are all you have. Sometimes it’s easier to laugh and smile through the hard times than it is to wallow. It hurts a hell of a lot less. One night is not going to make a difference. We’ll get to work tomorrow.”
Two large bodies crash through the door, banging into the wall. Our heads whip up to Zadyn and Eaton, cackling, arms slung around each other’s shoulders. Their laughter cuts out at the sight of me blubbering on the floor.
“What’s wrong?” Zadyn asks, dropping his smile.
“Serena’s drunk and having a mental breakdown,” Mar answers.
“I’m not drunk, and I’m not having a mental breakdown. I’m just… tired!” I cry, andboy, do I sound wasted.
Zadyn is there in an instant, crouching in front of me, his hands on my knees. “I should take her back.”
“No, you should not,” I slur.
Drunk bitch.
“You just said you were tired.” Zadyn stifles a laugh. I am immediately offended.
“Hey!”
“I’m sorry—I’m sorry.” He tries to bite his lip, but I can tell he’s had a few more shots, and he’s not very good at concealing it. “You’re just so…”
“Sowhat?”
