“Relax, Zadyn,” Mar says, turning to me. “She’s taking a bath. No need to have a conniption.”
“Where’s Jace?”
“He’s with her.”
My entire body tenses. She gives me a withering look and turns back to Kai’s swollen leg. “Not like that.”
What other way is there?
I slip from the room, tugging on a glamour to conceal myself. Following her scent to the baths, I place a hand on the closed door and freeze as it cracks open a hair.
A loud splash sounds from within, followed by Serena’s laughter.
“You. Little. Witch,” I hear Jace say.
“You needed the bath more than I did.”
Shegiggles. Actuallygiggles.
“Are you coming?”
“I think need a second.” Jace pauses. “To cool off.”
I grit my teeth, only imagining what’s going on behind this door. My instinct is to rip it off the hinges, storm in there and tell him to get his filthy fucking hands off of her. But I remain frozen in place.
“Think you can make it back to the room without running into trouble?”
“I thought you didn’t want me out of your sight.”
“That. And I just wanted an excuse to see you in the bath.” ?*
Deep, hideous jealousy eats through my stomach. I shake my head, scowling, and force myself back from the door. My feet carry me away before I can even register what I’m doing. Where I’m going.
I find Ilayna alone in her room. My name hasn’t even fully left her tongue before I lunge forward, slide my fingers into her hair, and kiss her deeply.
I pull back to study her expression.
Her eyes flicker over my face once. Then she leans in, slamming the door shut behind me as I walk her back into the room. We fall onto the bed, a tangle of hurried limbs. Undressing quickly and artlessly, I bury myself inside of her, purging my desperate longing for a girl that will never be mine.
A girl thatI am stuck with for all eternity.
I knowI have a tendency to act out where Serena is involved.
I did the same thing with Cece. Desperate for release, desperate forher, I end up chasing after the easiest bet. Whatever is ready, willing, and accessible. It’s a fact that shames me.
A flaw that makes me even more unworthy of her.
It wasn’t always like this. The ache to love her wasn’t always there. Neither was theotherache. That one came later. But it’s been that way for at least a decade now, and I don’t remember what it was like not to be in love with her. Not to think about her every moment of every day—the need to be near her far surpassing my need for air.
I re-dress in a hurry, keeping my eyes downcast. Ilayna sits up beside me, slipping on a silk robe. Getting to my feet, I dig into my pocket, reaching for some gold coins. Her hand stills my arm as she shakes her head and stares up at me from the bed.
“Please don’t.”
I give her a pleading look. “I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you.”
“You weren’t. It’s been so long since I…was able to enjoy myself with a male. Not a patron. I wanted to. I don’t want your money.”
Guilt pools in my stomach. I just used her for sex. I’m just as bad as the rest of the males that darken her doorstep.
