So I do the only thing I can think of to keep us apart.
I lie.
“Kylian and Zadyn.”
He hurls out a jaded laugh, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms behind his head. “You’re fucking kidding me.”
I force myself to swallow.
“You’re telling me that what we feel for each other isn’t a mating bond?” He gestures between us.
I shake my head, and he laughs again, the sound chilling and cold.
“No. No, I’m sorry, but that isbullshit.”
“Is it? Have you had that moment where it all clicked into place? Because I haven’t. Not with you.”
“No, I’ve had a thousand moments!” His voice blasts through the clearing, making me jump. “A thousand times I’ve found myself staring in awe of you, thinking,It’s her.Ithasto be her—because never in my lifetime have I known what it was like to ache for someone the way I do for you. A thousand moments. A thousand moments, desperately fighting against a current that has always been bigger than me—stronger than me. So maybe you haven’t had that big magical moment, maybe you haven’t seen that flare go off. ButIhave. Everytime I look at you, it’s a flare—it’s a fucking smoke signal telling me it’s you.”
My heart fractures.
“It’s not me. It’s not us, Jace. It can’t be.”
“Why not? I know you feel this too. Why are you denying it?”
“Jace, just let it go. Please.”
“Let it go?” he spits. “If I could, don’t you think I would have months ago when I got engaged to Sorscha? You think it’s fun for me to choke on my own jealousy day after day? Do you think I enjoy this torment? You think I want to love you to the point of sickness?”
“We have never been good together! We’ve never been right.”
The lie tastes like copper and ash on my tongue.
But the proof is there. We do hurt people—every time we’ve eventhoughtabout giving in to what’s between us.
After the first time we kissed, the Stryga arrived, and Ilsa was killed. When Jace nearly died in the maze, I shattered my own glamour and exposed myself to Kylian. He comes to Vod for me—Derek dies days later. He tries to protect me by locking me up, and Zadyn dies…
How many more warnings do I need?
“We would know.” He turns away, raking a hand through his dark hair. “If we weren’t mates, we would know it.”
“Wedoknow. We don’t belong together. We hurt people when we try to choose each other. Because we’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. The universe has been driving us apart since day one.”
“Fuck the universe, I want you!” His shout echoes through the forest, chasing a flock of birds from the branches above.
“I want you. I—Iloveyou.” His voice cracks as I stare at the ground, the ache in my chest growing sharper and sharper.
“Listen to me.” His hands slide into my hair, fisting it tightly. “If you aren’t my mate, then why does it feel like this? Why does it feel like I’m on fire every time I’m around you?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
“Tell me you don’t want me.”
“I—I don’t want you.”
“You don’t love me.”
“No. I don’t.”
