“Losing me to him? I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the one getting married tomorrow.”
“Let’s just get it all—let’s just lay it all out, shall we?” he slurs.
“Let’s. I’ll start. You’re wasted.”
“That I may be, but I know what I’m talking about. We’re all big pretenders. We can all stop pretending now, it’s just you and me here.”
“I’m not pretending.”
“You’re pretending you don’t see the way your little guard dog looks at you. And that you don’t feel more for him.”
“Our relationship is…complicated.”
“Hah. Okay.”
“What do you want, Jace? You’re getting married in twelve hours. You know you shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re wrong.” He wags his finger at me. “I should be here. With you. This is the only thing that makes sense in this entire world.”
I groan and sink into a chair. He watches me rub my tired eyelids.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you,” he says softly.
I glance up. “Forgive me for what?”
“For making me love you. For making me love you and then pushing me away.” His golden eyes clear, locking me in a stare that makes breathing a chore. ?*
My voice is little more than a whisper as I say, “What choicedid I have?”
He stands and walks over to me, stopping when his legs touch mine. “I love you. And it’s ruined me beyond repair.”
“And you’re so innocent? You’ve pushed me away too. We both made choices that were necessary.”
“Fuck necessary. What about what you want—what I want? What we both deserve? I’m tired of fighting off what seems inevitable. What hasalwaysseemed inevitable. I’m tired of my only happiness in this world feeling like a sin.”
Jace falls at my feet, bracing the backs of my legs as he stares up at me—a broken man, pleading and repentant.
“Stop,” I breathe.
“No, just let me say this. I’ve done terrible things in my lifetime, but not saying this would be by far the worst.”
He takes his time, a deep inhale filling his chest.
“My entire life has been a fight. A battle to be good, be worthy, be better. But this? You and me? This was choiceless. I have tried—sohard—not to feel what I do. And now, it’s tearing me apart.
“Because it is impossible. It is impossible not to love you more with every beat of your heart. Every laugh, every smile, every scathing look. Every insult you throw at me. And I know I’ll never be worthy of you, but I can’t make myself stop. No matter what I do, you’re here inside me. You’re in my chest, my head—you’re in every gods-damned breath I take. Because you, little witch, were made for me. And I was made for you. I hate myself for realizing it too late, hate the Fates for keeping you from me until our time had passed us by. Serena.” His voice cracks on my name.
“I’m so sorry. I know I’ve done nothing but hurt you from the moment we met. But all of me, body and soul, my heart, my life, my fate is entirely yours. I will do whatever you say. If you want to run away tonight, I will. I’m tired of pretending I can live without you. I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I can’t.”
My heart cleaves in two. His words—words I didn’t even know how starved I’d been to hear—wrap around me like a blanket in a crashing storm.
But it’s all just a fantasy. We can never belong to each other. Not in this lifetime.
“Jace, get up.”
But he doesn’t. He yanks me down so that I crash into him. Tears well in both our eyes as he smooths my face.
“If we had met anywhere but here, I would have courted you. I would have won you over—taken you for garden strolls, scaled a trellis to sneak into your room after dark.”
