Satisfied with my sword, I slide it back into its sheath.
“That’s not a terrifying thought.”
“That’s why we’re here, learning how to do it safely. It’s going to hurt the first few times, but you’ll get used to it.”
She nods, getting to her feet. I have to admit, this is a welcome distraction. Being at the palace right now is stifling.
For decades, I watched Derek handle being king with grace and charisma. He was the perfect balance of stern and gentle. I am nowhere near as polished. I’m all rough edges. Raw and crass. I was never a courtier. I don’t know how to sit where he sat and rule in his name. I already feel like a failure.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her question startlesme.
“About what?”
“Anything. Everything. Your wedding is coming up.”
“Forgive me for not wanting to discuss the floral arrangements with you.”
“Jace.” She purses her lips, then glances at the ground. “How—how is Sorscha doing with everything? I’m a little worried about her.” Concern crosses her beautiful face, drawing her brows together.
“I don’t know.” I sigh, pushing my hair back. “I try. She won’t talk to me. She says she’s fine, but it seems like she’s pulling away from everyone. I don’t want to push her.”
I should make more of an effort. But I’ve barely had time to eat or sleep since becoming regent. Aside from a few public appearances with her, there’s hardly enough time to get in ahow are you.
“I’ve thought about going to see her.”
“What’s stopping you?” I ask.
She sighs. “I’m not sure she wants to see me. Lately I feel like a walking disaster, pulling everything into my wake. Every bad thing that’s happened these past few months, I’ve been right there front and center. Derek, Ilsa…you. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see me again.”
“I don’t think she blames you for any of that.”
“I don’t know, she just seems so…different.”
“Her father was murdered by the same monsters that killed her best friend. If she weren’t different after something like that…then I’d be concerned.”
Serena shakes her head, staring out into the clearing. “We never really talked. About Derek.”
She gazes down at me, her expression sympathetic. I still can barely look her in the eye, ashamed of my behavior since Vod. And still, instead of falling at her feet and begging her forgiveness, I just pushed her away. I insulted her. I hurt her, like I always do.
But rather than letting the crippling remorse hit me full force, I shove it down under layers of cultivated hardness I’ve spent years building up.
“How areyoudoing? Really.”
I set my jaw and shake my head. “I’d rather not talk about any of it.”
Her hands slide to her hips. “Well, if you don’t want to talk, then I will.”
“Serena—”
“You’re going through with this wedding in a few days, and I’m happy for you. I really am. But I think you and I need some clear boundaries.”
“Do you now?” I lean on my knees and peer up at her, really only thinking about how cute she looks when she’s trying to be serious.
“I do. I’ll continue training with you if we can both agree that from here on out, you and I are strictly platonic. As crazy as you drive me, I can’t lose you as a friend. Not at a time like this, probably not ever. So, I need you to agree to be my friend. And I will be one to you.”
Her openness and vulnerability have always stunned me. How can a person be so willing to share, so willing to give? I envy her and admire her at the same time for it.
I stand, walking closer until her pointed finger meets my chest. “And don’t tell me you’re too big for all of us small folk now that you’re king.”
