“And do what?”
He brushes his finger along my bottom lip. “Whatever you want to do.”
My stomach flips. Part of me hoped he’d say this, but another part hoped he’d come to his senses these last few days and forbid it. It would have been easier if he told me I was only his.
I know how to be told no. I’ve been told no my whole life—by my mother, by society, by the good-girl voice in my head.
If he’d forbidden it, I could blame him. Be the good wife who craved something she couldn’t have.
But permission? This means it’s my choice.
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Then don’t.”
“You wouldn’t be disappointed?”
“I’d be disappointed if you did something just for me and lied to me.” He caresses my cheek. “So don’t lie. What do you actually want?”
Silence.
I could make a joke about being too old for this. Too tired. Too whatever. But Robert’s patient eyes are unraveling me.
Fuck it. I’m tired of hiding.
“I want to go back.” The truth tumbles out. “I want... what I had in that office. Someone looking at me like—“ I stop. Try again. “Like I’m actually there. Not just... an ornament at another fucking charity gala.”
My throat tightens. I swallow hard.
“I want to be more than... than this house and those fucking committees and—“ I can’t finish. I didn’t mean to say that much.
“What else?”
“I don’t know.” Snuggling closer, I tuck my head against his shoulder. “I want to know if that woman at the casino was really me or just—I don’t know…”
I’ve thought about this, but I’m not sure how to explain it.
“Say it.” His voice is quiet but firm.
God.
I search for the words. “I want to feel powerful. But also—I don’t know—not powerful? At the same time. Does that sound insane?”
Silence.
But I’m not done. “I want to choose it. When I give in. Who I give in to.” The words come out quieter. “And I don’t know if that’s fucked up or—“
Jesus. Listen to me. Who even says that out loud?
“I want it so much it scares me.”
Robert strokes my back for a long moment before speaking. “You want to know what I was thinking? That whole night you were gone?”
“What?”
“I was thinking about you walking into that casino in your gala dress. All those men watching you. Wanting you.” His voice goes rough. “I was thinking about what you’d do with them.”
My thighs press together, slick heat building from nothing but his words.
