I can finally see her on the screen. She looks freaking amazing—perfect curls in her hair, a lovely scarf around her neck, and a fresh glow to her. Italy must do wonders for her skin.
“When did this happen?” Nonna asks.
“Two weeks ago.”
She pauses and turns her head off to the side. “Huh. I guess that explains why the men were at the house.”
“What men?”
“Ugh. Old men. I took care of them. Bad for my back, though. Thank goodness the boys you sent showed up. They took care of the bodies and have been tending my garden.”
“‘Boys I sent’? What?” Alana leans forward. “What are their names?”
“There’s one named Theodore. Teddy.”
“Teddy is in Italy right now? Fixing your garden?” Alana asks, a new level of shock and fear edges into her voice. A man’s face pops on the screen. I don’t recognize him. Joey doesn’t either.
But Alana leans over the pew to see the screen—and lets out a long sigh.
“Hey! How’s it going? We killed a big snake in the shed. And Nonna makes the best food.”
Alana takes off her sunglasses, blinks, and her lips turn into a straight-lined frown. “Teddy, you need to go. Now.”
“Why?”
“Because I know how Nonna plans on dying, and I don’t want her taking you with her.”
Teddy makes a face and the phone camera switches back to Nonna smirking.
“I can’t. I can’t with this,” Alana mutters, leaning back on her pew and resting her head on Waverly’s shoulder.
Nonna lights up. “Nico! If you’re at my funeral, there’s a girl I want you to meet—Jenny. She’s the sweetest. I want you two to hit it off.”
I lean in. “Hi, Nonna. We’ve met. We’re good.” I add with an eyebrow waggle, “He’s tending my garden.”
“Nooooice,” Donny says under his breath. He’s sitting next to his dad, and he lights up and leans across his family to take the phone out of Joey’s hand. Donny pulls a little plastic penis out of his coat pocket. “Nonna, look what I made. I bought two 3D printers, and I think I’m going to sell them online.”
My boyfriend flashes me an annoyed glare, like this is somehow all my fault, but Nonna gives her grandson a little smile. “Good for you, Donny. Can you give the phone back to Nico?”
Nonna sighs and addresses Joey again. “Why is Alana being irrational?”
“Irrational? Nonna, we thought you were dead. We were at war. We lost a lot of people,” Joey is unable to hold it together anymore.
Her face falls slightly.
“Alana flatlined for ten minutes,” Joey adds softly.
There it is. His deepest fears spoken aloud for everyone to hear.
Alana smacks him in the back of the head. It seems fair. I mean, she got better. Problem solved.
She hunches over and groans. I suspect it’s the first time anyone’s said it aloud in front of her. The room fills with awkwardness—more than any normal church service ever could.
Nonna says, “Oh. I see,” a hint of remorse in her voice. “I’ll be sure to send her some cannolis.”
“Cannoli? That’s what you get? You die for this family, and you get cannoli?” I ask.
Donny turns around. “Ooh, from which place?” Nonna replies, naming some Italian bakery none of us have heard of. Donny frowns. “Oh, those are good. Alana’s totally never gonna share.”
