“Okay, but if this signal drops, I’m going to be mad,” she warned.
“Understood, and it won’t. I promise.”
She left the war-room, unhooked the door from the wall, and closed it softly. If it locked then she’d just have to wake Remi up by hammering on it when she was done talking to Gunnar. “The door and window are closed, and I’m on the bench.”
“You know, we aren’t meant to be having this conversation while I’m working, right? That’s not what our equipment is for.”
He’s trying to get out of it. Lovely!
“Do you own the equipment or does someone else?”
“I own it.”
“Then who’s going to be mad about you using it to fix a misunderstanding?” She raised one eyebrow when he grunted in response. Even though he couldn’t see it, making her suspicion known to the freaking universe made her feel better. A couple of beats of uncomfortable silence spread between them, and she figured if she didn’t talk, he wouldn’t. “I’m sorry. What I said must have messed with your head. I would never sleep with your brother. Ever. Because A: ew. B: he’s cute and all, but still eww… and most of all, C:…” she trailed off.
“C?”
How did he not know this? Probably because she hadn’t said the freaking words.
He should freaking know. I don’t go around sleeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
That’s what Barry is for.
Do not mention Barry, or he’ll lose his fricking mind.
“Most of all, C: he’s not you, you big dummy.”
A harsh inhale was followed by a muttered, “There aren’t many people who would dare say that to me.”
“Maybe they should,” she grumbled back. “I’m not one of your team. I’m not a soldier or a sailor and I don’t even understand what you people freaking say half the time. I’m your—” she cut herself off because she didn’t know what she was to him. “Argh, you are making me nuts.”
“You’re my what?”
There were so many ways she could answer that question. She just didn’t know which one fit, because she didn’t know whathewanted her to be. At least they weren’t having this conversation in person, as she was already blushing. He didn’t need to know that. But she did, just as she knew it was more from frustration than embarrassment. “I don’t know, Gunnar. You tell me.”
“I—”
She waited for him to continue, but when she only heard the sounds of his soft breathing, she whispered, “See, not so easy, is it?”
“Why do we have to?—”
It was so easy to picture him in her mind; he was probably squeezing his fingers into the bridge of his nose. She’d watched him do the same thing multiple times in the days before he’d left for this mission.
“Fuck it.” Gunnar’s voice rumbled through her earpiece. “You’re mine, Jorja, full stop. MINE.” His possessive growl wrapped around her and sank under her skin. It went straight for her heart and scored a direct hit. “Don’t you forget it, baby. You aremine.”
Jorja hadn’t known how much she needed to hear those words until she heard them. Now those words were hers to keep, and that mattered. It mattered a lot. She wiped at a single tear which leaked from the corner of one eye. “Yes, Gunnar, I am yours.” She was not crying. Crying wasn’tallowed. Not now. “That’s why it hurt that you thought I would betray you.” She kept her words steady. Someone get her a massive glass of wine, as she’d earned it. “I wouldn’t do that to anyone—never mind to you, Jerk-God.” She hiccuped the nickname she’d given him in spite of her resolve.
“I’m sorry, beautiful. I fucked up.” There was an ache in his voice that she couldn’t put a description to. “I won’t do it again.”
“I am not her.” Jorja figured it was better to give it to him straight. “I will never do what she did.” She refused to compete with his ex-wife, even if it was for his trust. No, not even—especially for his trust. If he didn’t trust that he could leave for work and know she wouldn’t betray him, then they were never going to work.
“I know,” he replied. “Sometimes my knee-jerk reaction needs time to catch up to what I know is true. It won’t happen again.”
“It will.” No matter who you were, changing the reflexes which kept your heart safe took more than resolve—it took practice. What they were building between them wasn’t a magic fix-all Band-Aid. “I just need you to promise me, when it does, that you don’t shut me out,” she told him. “And I know that’s hard to do. I just need you to tell me when the voices in your head sound like your ex-wife and not me.”
Clearly, he was thinking about it, but this time the silence between them wasn’t loud or screaming into the void. It was soft, comfortable, and wrapped around her like a hug from her favorite weighted blanket. “I promise, I will do my best,” he replied softly. “And you’ll keep calling me on my shit when needed?”
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
