“I always need a push,” Ella mumbled, looking up at the darkening sky.
“Nothing wrong with that.You are the one to encourage others to take a chance.”
The hollow despondence she’d carried since the start of the year surged back, impossible to shake.
“I’ve never taken a risk.”
“That’s not true.You left the farm and followed me to that swim meet.When Zee asked you to stay with him, you did.When he asked you to move to where he was from, you didn’t hesitate.”
“All of those were decisions not risks.I was following my heart.I knew he would look out for me.”
“That’s what you felt, Ella.From the outside it looked like this guy with a swagger and an ego the size of the moon swept you off your feet.And into his cuffs.”
Ella’s face heated even though there was nothing her friend said that wasn’t true.
“You still hate him.”
“Someone has to look out for you,” Nora said.“Hate is a strong word.It’s more like I have grown fondly tolerant of him over the years.”
“That’s an improvement.”Ella giggled.
“But this time?”Nora sunk down into the hot tub, letting the eater cover her head before bobbing back up.“Wasn’t his fault.He can’t protect you from everything, especially not the things he didn’t see coming.Could he have seen it?Maybe if he had taken his eyes off what he was chasing.But that’s not his style, Ella.He’s all in on whatever he decides to do.”
“I know.”
And the tears came fast like a speeding comet, and she couldn’t stop them.“Ella.”
Nora glided over to her and hugged her, patting her shoulder awkwardly until her tears finally stopped.
“Let’s go inside.We can dry off and find a good romcom.”
Ella swiped her eyes.“Thank you.I needed this.”
“Yes, you did.Sometimes you need to remember who you are outside of your roles.”
Roles.
Ella had many and she loved all of them but this time they all had demanded too much of her and not enough.
“Did I tell you that Annie sent me a job posting a few months ago?”
“No, you didn’t mention it,” Nora said with a smirk, passing her a towel.”
Ella toweled off, followed her friend in through her patio doors into her kitchen.
“Yes, it’s a piano coach—they have those now—at her university.She thinks I’d be perfect for it.I thought about it and discarded it.”
“Why?Out of all the things you’re good at, the piano is your true love.”
“Because of Zee and everything we had going on.Because my heart leapt when I saw the posting then all the doubts came in.I don’t have a degree, I’m not good enough, I’m out of practice.”
“Ella, if you’re out of practice, Beethoven never existed.What did Zee think?”
“I didn’t tell him.”
“Oh?That’s curious.”
Ella flushed, guilt twisting her stomach.
