Gabe sat down across from her and placed a hand on Ivy’s knees. “I think communication is our downfall. I know I made fun of it a couple of years ago when you brought up the idea of a D/s contract.”
Ivy’s mouth quirked into a smile, showing her dimple. “You said it was ‘trendy bullshit.’”
“Hey, we kind of fell into kink. Or at least I did. You always knew you were submissive in the bedroom. I had to get my head around it, and because we were already a couple, the idea of a contract seemed like we were trying to be something we weren’t.”
“And why do you feel differently now?” Ivy’s emerald eyes met and held his.
“I like the idea of putting it all on the table.” Gabe rapped on the table with his knuckles. “I think we stopped talking about what we wanted and just took each other for granted.”
“You said I only wanted kink in the bedroom.” His heart lurched as she touched her throat, where his collar used to be.
“I know. And if I had listened to you, maybe I wouldn’t have said that. I’m working on managing my anger so it doesn’t spill into everything.”
“You took care of me last night. Thank you.” Ivy sipped from her favourite coffee mug and pulled her sweater tighter around her.
“Ivy, what’s wrong?” Gabe raised an eyebrow at her.
“Nothing.” She didn’t know how to give voice to her thoughts.
He reached out and turned her chair so that she was facing him. He put his hands on the top of her thighs.
“Tell me. After tomorrow night, we sign this and consider it a new start.”
“I just wanted you to be happy for me. I got a new job. Julien could have asked anyone. Ella knows lots of people, but she recommended me to him. After months of everyone ignoring me, it meant something to me.”
He brushed his hands through his hair, wincing at the pain in her voice. Even though her actions caused him to freeze her out, he could have checked on her,shouldhave checked on her, and made sure that the others weren’t freezing her out.
“I know. I’m sorry you were so alone these past few months.”
“Are you, or do you think it was my fault?” She turned away from him, looking out over the balcony railing.
He took his hands off her knees. “No, it wasn’t your fault you were alone. I don’t like what you did, but I didn’t want you to be harmed by it.”
“Are you sure? Because you didn’t do anything to make sure of that.”
“I know. I got tied up in my head, Ivy. I should have checked on you. I should have called you. And I shouldn’t have let you keep paying for this place.”
She set her mug down and looked away from him. “Being here with you is just hard, sometimes. It’s hard to trust that you won’t throw me out.”
A lump in his throat swallowed. He didn’t want to be without her. She was one of the only bright spots in his world.
“Ivy, I get that your emotions are high, too. The thing with a contract is they set out expectations and responsibilities. This contract is also a sign of commitment that we both agree to stay in the bonds.”
“Okay.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “What did you put in the contract?”
“Things like speaking respectfully to each other at all times, not walking out the door to end an argument. Playing at Club Bandit once a month. Not posting our kinky life on social media.” Gabe picked up the bound pages and handed them to her.
“Gabe I-”
“No, Ivy. I’m not comfortable with it, sorry. Maybe you can make up an alternative identity or something. But I can’t risk kink being linked with my professional life through you.”
“So, it’s either you or the job?”
“I wouldn’t put it like that.” Why couldn’t she see he was trying here? He wasn’t asking her to give up anything but to deepen their commitment to each other?
“No, you wouldn’t. I don’t share a lot at work. I’m good at what I do and work hard, but I don’t share much personal stuff there. When Julien offered me this job, I felt free. I felt like I could be all of me. I love French pressed coffee and the beach. I love the colour pink, and I like being spanked. I like crops and leather. I love sex. Why can’t I talk about those things?”
“Because I won’t get hired, Ivy! Because people will know you’re my girlfriend, and they won’t trust me as a medic or someone with battlefield experience. They’ll just see me as a pervert.”
