Dr. Lee nods. “When the ICON came back positive, we ran a more detailed test called a beta hCG test. It’s a very sensitive test that can help date pregnancy. You appear to be six weeks pregnant.”
“Oh my god.” Tears stream down my face as I look at my friends. Mostly for confirmation that they’re hearing what I’m hearing.
“I… I don’t know what to say,” Maddie says. “I didn’t think… um, he wasn’t here… oh, gosh, I’m at a loss for words.”
Regan touches my arm. “Tell us what you need us to do.”
“I’ll give you a minute,” the doctor says as he gauges my reaction.
I touch my stomach. “I can’t believe it. After all these years. How is this even happening?”
“Ava?” Regan sits on the edge of the bed. “How is this possible?”
I swallow hard, still in utter disbelief at how messed up the universe is, but also feeling I’ve just been given the ultimate gift.A way to keep Trevor alive. His son or daughter is growing inside me. Just when I thought my life was over, I’ve been given a reason to live.
“I took out a loan against the shop and did several more fertility treatments with the last of our embryos.”
“Youwhat?”Maddie says, almost sounding pissed that I’d keep that information from my best friends.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t tellanyone. Not even Trevor.” I turn to Regan. “You guys know how after Mitchell was born, Trevor and I decided to use what savings we had to give IVF a try before moving on to things like sperm donation and adoption.”
She nods. “And you were devastated when it didn’t work out.”
“What you didn’t know was that we didn’t use all the embryos. We’d drained our savings on the one attempt. But we didn’t have the heart to destroy the remaining ones.” I stare out the window at a snow-covered tree. “Trevor wanted a biological child so much. Truth be told, so did I. Although we said we were okay with other means, I know we both wanted it more than we led on. Since he’d given me power of attorney before he joined the military, I was able to take out the loan without him knowing. I knew it was a longshot, and I’d have to deal with him finding out later, but I figured he’d be making so much money by then it wouldn’t matter.”
My eyes close as I picture what he would have done when I told him. After everything we’d been through, it would probably take him a beat for the news to sink in. He would blink a few times as he processed the information. His jaw would go slack as reality hit. But then he’d gather me in his arms and twirl me around until we were both laughing. Then we’d immediately go out and buy every baby item we thought we’d ever need.
I wipe away more tears, mourning all the things that will never happen.
“I had just about given up all hope after going through four more embryo transfers. Last month was the last of them. My last hope.”
More tears pool in my eyes. “I can’t believe it actually happened. I started getting my period the night before they told me he died, but it was light. After I got the news, I assumed stress was messing with my hormones.” I cradle my flat stomach. “I think this must be the most bitter-sweet moment of my life.”
“We’re… happy about this, right?” Regan asks tentatively.
My chin quivers. “How can I not be? It’s a part of him.” I look over at the curtain separating us from the rest of the ER. “I need to see it. Make sure it’s really real. Do you think they could do an ultrasound?”
Maddie is around the side of the curtain calling for a nurse before I get the last of the words out.
Five minutes later, Dr. Lee is back with an ultrasound machine. Knowing the drill, I ditch my panties as he tells me, “Six weeks is very early. We won’t be able to see much more than the gestational sac and fetal pole. It’s not always possible to detect a heartbeat at this stage, so please don’t worry if that’s the case.”
“I understand.”
“Okay, lie back and relax.”
Once again, my hands are taken prisoner by my dearest friends as all our eyes are glued to the screen.
He inserts the probe and taps around on the ultrasound keyboard. “There.” He points. “See this black oval? That’s the gestational sac. This little white ring here is the yolk sac where the baby feeds from in the early weeks of pregnancy. And right here is the baby. It’s no larger than the size of a pea. And… yes, there it is. I’m detecting a faint flicker of electrical activity. There is a heartbeat.”
My chest seizes in happiness and sadness all at once. “Can I hear?”
“It’s not yet strong enough to produce an audible beat. You’ll want to schedule another ultrasound with your obstetrician at the eight-to-ten-week mark.”
I stare at the screen, still in a state of shock, wondering if it will be a boy or a girl, knowing it doesn’t even matter. Because this baby has given me a new purpose in life. Something to live for. Trevor’s legacy.
I turn to Maddie. “I’m… oh my god… I’m having a baby.”
And for the first time in two weeks, I feel myself smile.
