Amber sees me coming and tucks eighteen-month-old Aaron back in his stroller under a thick blanket. “Nice to see you out and about.” She stands and hugs me after I put the coffees down. “We took bets on if you’d show up. You know, with all the hot sex you and Trevor have been having.” She laughs. “Is it weird to think that you’re dating your husband?”
Amber’s other child, nine-year-old Josie, is playing on the jungle gym with Gigi, so there’s no need to speak in code.
It’s been a week since Trevor left. I haven’t told anyone he’s gone. They all assume it’s business as usual with him staying in the back when the shop is open, and us being holed up in the apartment rekindling our relationship when it’s not.
Tears cloud my vision. I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what, but I feel like I’ve never cried so much in my life as I have these past seven weeks—the only exception being those three wonderful days last weekend. Days I wish I could get back.
If only I’d been straight with him from the start. Then again, if I’d been up front with him from the beginning, those days may not have happened at all. I’m torn between wanting to relish those few days—as they’ve been the first ‘after’ memories that are really worth remembering—and wishing I could go back and do it all differently.
No. Then I wouldn’t be pregnant, something I’ve wanted all my life. Maybe something I’ve even wanted as much as Trevor. It’s not something I’d trade for anything.
Even him?I wonder.
“What’s wrong?” Maddie asks, as all three draw near.
I shake my head, not wanting to say the words. They come out in a whisper. “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?” Amber asks.
“He said he has to figure things out.”
Maddie and Regan look at me knowingly, probably having put two and two together, but neither of them says anything.
“What’s there to figure out?” Amber asks. “You two were looking as in love as a couple of smitten teenagers.”
“I did something I shouldn’t have.”
“Sister, haven’t we all,” Amber chuckles. “I’ve got just the thing.” She pulls something from her coat pocket, and before I can stop her, she’s pouring a shot of liquor into my coffee.
Sometimes, especially when it’s chilly out and none of those in attendance are pregnant or nursing, we’ll make our coffees ‘Irish.’ But today, now, one of usispregnant.
I push the cup away. “I can’t drink that.”
“Why not?” she asks. “Are you driving somewhere later?” When I don’t answer, she studies me for a beat and then squeals. “Oh my god, Ava Criss, you’re pregnant!”
Serenity and Addy walk up at the very moment Amber makes that very loud and public declaration.
“Wait, what?” Addy says. “Seriously?”
I close my eyes, because now is the moment I have to fess up. I nod.
Amber, Ren, and Addy all cheer in delight. But not Regan and Maddie. They know me better than the rest do. They know if Trevor’s gone, it means he’s found out about everything. And he isn’t happy about it.
“That has to be some kind of miracle,” Ren says. “Like somehow the accident rendered him more fertile.”
I shake my head. “It happened before the accident.”
“Before?” Addy asks, confused. “But he was gone for so long.”
And just like I told Trevor eight days ago, I confess everything to my friends as they sit and stare at me, wide-eyed.
Serenity reaches across the table and puts a hand on mine. “I get it. Cooper and I have been trying for years. The desperation that comes along with that can make a person crazy. I don’t blame you for wanting to use the rest of the embryos. I’d probably do the same.”
“Yeah, but would you do it behind Cooper’s back?” Her nonanswer is just more assurance that what I did was so completely out of bounds. I touch my stomach. “I know what I did was wrong. But I don’t want to take it back. I’m having a baby.Hisbaby.Ourbaby. Something I never thought would happen.” Tears flow, a mixture of happy and sad. “I’m going to be a mom.”
“He’ll come around,” Addy says.
“I’m not so sure,” I admit, my biggest fear working its way through a sniffle. “The old Trevor would have taken issue withthe loan, but then when it sank in that we were going to be parents, he’d have been happy. He’d have forgiven me before the sun went down.” I look up at the night sky and wipe away a few tears. “But this isn’t the old Trevor. This is a man who just found out the woman he’d only been dating a week is pregnant. And not by accident. By deceiving the man he used to be. The man he has no idea would have accepted the situation and been happy about it.” I wipe my face with my coat sleeve. “In my attempt at making this perfect life for us, I may have ruined it completely.”
