I scoff at the notion. I don’t want to bask inanything.
“What does my family know?”
“Probably not much. They’re in a waiting area down the hall. Dr. Wheeler will talk to them after he assesses you. They’ll be apprised of your medical condition before you see them.”
“So they will be told I might not recognize them?”
“They will indeed.”
A slow rush of air escapes me. A tiny sense of relief. I’ve been trying to put myself in the position of Dawn, Chuck, and Ava. People who have known me my whole life. What it might feel like for them if I have zero clue about who and what they are to me.
Two doctors come into the room.
The tall, Black man approaches first. “Dr. Criss, I’m Dr. Wheeler, the chief of neurology. This is Dr. Cranz, the hospitalist overseeing your general care team.”
I nod my greeting.
Dr. Cranz does a physical exam, palpating my abdomen where my sutures were, examining the healing burns on my legs, and poking around the bony structures of my face. “Physically, you seem to be healing quite well. It’s my understanding your facial injuries rendered you unrecognizable following the accident.”
“That’s what they tell me.”
“That being the case, I’m quite pleased with your progress.”
“Good to know somebody is.”
Dr. Wheeler steps in. “We fought over you, you know. Your case is unlike any we’ve seen here. I won, of course, as I’m head of the department.” He chuckles. “I hope you won’t mind indulging me with a few questions that I’m sure you answered a dozen times during your stay at Landstuhl.”
Thirty minutes later, both doctors are staring at me like I’m a medical marvel.
“Okay then,” Dr. Cranz says. “We’ll make sure your family is brought up to speed and then, well, then you can meet.”
“Meet,” I repeat, not missing his choice of words. “I’m so grateful for the vote of confidence in my recovery.”
“Sorry,” he says at my sarcastic tone. “Bad choice of words. I should have said reunite.”
I nod. “Just tell them…” Tell them what? I’m not really sure what to even say. “Tell them not to expect much.”
After they leave, I call the nurse and ask to be removed from the monitors so I can use the bathroom. I relive myself, then wash my hands—maybe a little too obsessively. Old habit? Or am I avoiding looking up and seeing my face in the mirror. WhenI finally look in the mirror, I scrub a hand across my scruffy jawline and wonder if I should shave. In every internet picture I could find, Trevor was clean shaven, not even a hint of a five-o’clock shadow. Is that who I was? Who I’m supposed to be?
Several minutes of contemplation leads me to decide against it. I’m kind of partial to the beard. It helps hide some of the fading bruises along my jaw. And it seems befitting of someone who’s seen some shit. I like this face the way it is. If they don’t, it’s their problem, not mine.
I get back into bed and stare at the door. Waiting.
Chapter Ten
Ava
Dawn holds my hand as we await news. Chuck is watching CNN on the corner TV while sipping his third cup of coffee. We’ve been here for hours. An administrator checks on us from time to time, telling us it won’t be much longer. That they’re admitting him and running baseline tests.
I’m still numb. And I don’t know what to think or how to feel. I’m not sure I’ll truly believe he’s alive until I physically see him with my own eyes. After all, they made a mistake once, who’s to say they haven’t made another. Then again, if he was stable enough for an overseas flight, I’m sure he’s conscious enough to talk to his doctors.
That realization brings me some relief. Still, I don’t know the extent of his injuries. The casualty assistance officers told me he hadn’t lost any limbs. But things could still be seriously wrong. He could be disfigured. Brain damaged. Burned.
I’m about to make myself crazy with what ifs when the door opens and two men wearing business casual clothes covered by white coats walk in.
The three of us stand as one unit.
The tall one has kind eyes and a friendly smile, which do little to put me at ease. “I’m Dr. Wheeler,” he says. “Chief of neurology, and this is Dr. Cranz. We’re heading up Trevor’s care team.”
