I figure that that’s all they talked about while I was gone. Maybe they figured out a solution to my problems, because I sure as hell haven’t. “Tell me what’s on your mind." I say evenly, hoping that my brother will level with me.
He slides his hands into his back pockets, as he breathes in and out slowly. “Well, I can’t say that I blame you for being a little bit freaked out. Hell, even with me and Braylynn being engaged, the thought of an unexpected baby would scare the pants off me." He flattens his hand, palm down, on his chest, in a gesture of honesty. "And I know that Shelly probably was nervous tonight, because I wouldn’t imagine that she’s got quite that much of an attitude when it’s just you and her.”
My brother is taking the high road. Luckily, that’s the norm for him. Nash is a very levelheaded guy, even at the worst of times. With all the shit that we’ve gone through with our folks, he’s never lost his head over anything. “I appreciate that. And, no, I imagine she was quite nervous, given that she’s just found out that she’s pregnant and all. If you want my opinion, I’d say that she’s probably shaking in her boots right about now. Being in school and all, and now she’s pregnant, which probably throws a wrench in her plans.”
“Maybe she won’t want to keep it. How do you feel about that, Levi?”
I shrug. "I’ve never given itanythought. I know that I want to have kids someday, but I don’t know if that someday is now ornot. I need to talk to Shelly. Feel her out. See how she feels about all of this. Shame on me for leaving her alone tonight, but I think it was for the best."
“Mama always says that it’s better to gather your thoughts and talk it out than to fight over it."
I nod my agreement, as my gaze goes to the toe of my boot. “Does everybody in there know?" I gesture by tipping my chin upward towards the house.
He nods, but his eyes are on the toe of his boot as well.
“It’s okay, Nash. It’s all going to come out in the open anyway. At least this way we can be civil about it, rather than what happened at dinner."
“Braylynn wanted me to tell you that she's sorry for that. She’s sorry if she made it awkward for you. She’s just looking out for you, just like I am, and everyone else is, man. We’re here for you, Levi. Whatever you decide to do we’ll support you."
“All right, well, I best be on my way before you start getting sappy and all." I say, trying to break the tension.
I don’t mention a thing about the young girl I saw in the woods. I also mention nothing about running into Buddy at the marina. I’ve learned over the years that sometimes it’s best to keep certain things to yourself. It’s just too bad that Shelly clearly hasn’t learned that same lesson. It would’ve saved us a lot of stress tonight. Not being one to skulk away from responsibility, I ask Nash to give me a drive to Shelly's, seeing as I’ve left my truck there.
He has enough respect to remain quiet on the way there. That’s one of the things I love the most about my brother. He knows when to shut the hell up. The only thing that we say to each other is to do with directions to get to her house. After a short brotherly handshake, Nash drops me off. I use the code to get inside, and I can hear her footsteps on the second floor.
I’d be lying if I said that my stomach wasn’t a little bit testy as I climb up the stairs. When I walk into her bedroom, I see that she’s got clothes everywhere. There are various stacks on the bed, a pile of crumpled up clothes on the floor by the closet, and about six piles of folded clothes lined up like blocks along the wall. “I couldn’t open my dang closet door, so I’m pulling all of the shit out of there and re-organizing it.” She explains.
“Do you need a hand?”
“The empty bins in the hallway there. Bring them in here. I’ll pack away the stuff that I’m not using for now."
Is this some sort of nesting going on here? Maybe she’s going through her clothes, realizing that soon she won’t be able to fit into them? I’m not sure what’s going on, but it sure is better than talking about the subject at hand. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine with me. I help her organize her things, and then she suggests that we watch a movie. I want to ask her a million questions, but none of them will come out of my mouth. When I go to use the washroom later, I notice that she’s pulled her wedding bands out of the bathroom. Not sure what that means, but it makes me a tad unsettled. What if she gaslights me? What if she denies that they were ever there?
She falls asleep during the movie, and something about this whole situation is making my skin crawl. I can’t stay here tonight. My mind was much more at ease at Billy's ranch. That’s where I belong. At least for now, until we can get things sorted. Slowly, I inch my way from under her grasp, and leave. There’s still a light on in the main house when I arrive. There are two unknown vehicles in the driveway, indicating that we have two resort guests staying over. My room is in the back of the resort house, and my things are still there, freshly laundered, and the bed is made.
But I don’t lay my head down on the bed for more than two minutes, before I hear a tap at the door. “Come in.”
I see Piper’s head appear on the other side of the door. “I saw your headlights. Is everything okay?”
Her face is so precious. If I told her I’d robbed a bank and to keep it a secret for me, she would. “If you want the truth, not really. I couldn’t stay with Shelly tonight. We didn’t even talk about anything."
She sits down on the edge of the bed. I’m sitting cross legged at the head of the bed, raking a hand through my hair. She pats my knee. “Maybe she’s not ready to talk yet either. It’s quite a shock. Life-changing. And from the sounds of it, you two don’t know each other very well, so maybe she’s uncomfortable talking to you about it. I know that sounds strange, seeing as you two are a couple, if I’m not mistaken. But sometimes even the strongest girls feel awkward talking about something that’s unexpected."
“So you’re saying that I did the right thing leaving her tonight? Because I think that it’s shitty, sneaking out like that without saying anything to her. She probably thinks I’m a slimeball."
“If she thought you were a slimeball, Levi, then she wouldn’t have told you that she was pregnant to begin with, and she sure as hell wouldn’t have invited you to come into her house tonight.“
“Yeah, but when she wakes up tomorrow morning, and realizes that I’m not there, when I was there when she fell asleep, she’s going to think that I’m a coward." As I say this, my hands are in my hair, brushing it backward tightly, and then I interlace my fingers behind my head, and lay back on the headboard.
“I really don’t think so. If she wanted to talk about things, then she would have. Sometimes giving people space is the right answer. And I know that you always make yourself available, so as long as you continue to do that with her, I don’t see the problem. If she’s a decent person, that is. And I know that she must be a decent person, otherwise you would not have mixed so well with her.”
I’m getting mixed feelings about this suddenly. And I blurt it out before I can stop it. “She moved the rings, Piper. And I can’t fucking figure out why. Why would you do that after all this time. I mean, she was re-organizing her closet when I got there tonight, but she hadn’t touched the bathroom. I don’t know what it means, and that fucking freaks me out more than the baby does."
I leave out the part about seeing the girl in the woods, and about chasing her, and about meeting up with Buddy at the marina. I’ve never been one to keep so many secrets before, but lately, since I met Shelly, I’ve been doing that a lot. I haven’t really decided how I feel about that yet.
“I wouldn’t worry about that too much, Levi. She probably realized her mistake and figured that you hadn’t noticed them yet. Like I said earlier, if she’s a decent person, I’m sure that she’ll come clean with you. But if she’s still married, do you know yet how you’re going to deal with it?"
I shrug. “It wouldn’t be a shock. She is a lot older than me. And we are not serious."
