He gives me a moment to digest before continuing.
"It's not that I don't want it, but we don't know each other that well, see."
"Is she the one for you, Levi?" I ask honestly, feeling his hurt, because of his expression.
"I don't know yet. That's the thing. I've never been in love before, and I don't know if I feel it for her or not."
I sit down next to him. "Not that I know anything about being in love, either, but from what my mama and daddy have told me, and all the romances I've watched on television, if you have to second guess it, it's not love."
"That's my guess, too, actually. But, is it wrong to have a baby with someone you don't love?"
My gaze goes to my hands. "Levi, please don't judge me for saying this, but I have to be honest with you." I lift my gaze to his and touch his hand. "I was raised with strict morals, tight rules, but lots and lots of love. That being said, my folks raised me to be with someone you love, so to me, the whole act of making love with someone that you don't love, well, that's wrong. For me, though, not for you. All I know is that if you raise the child out of love, even if it's not necessarily love for the mother, it's still okay. Love is important."
"What about obligation?"
My hand is still on his. "If you love your child, then it isn't an obligation, Levi."
"What if she wants to raise it on her own and I never get to see it?"
"That's something that y'all have to arrange with her first. If you need to, get a lawyer."
He nods and uses his other hand to squeeze mine. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." I smile at him and take my hand back. "What does your family say about all this?"
He sighs. "Well, I tell my daddy as little as possible. Hell, he doesn't even know that I'm in school, and he sure as hell doesn't know about Shelly."
"Oh." I'm surprised. "You're not close with your daddy?"
He shakes his head and scoffs. "Sometimes I think that life would be so much better if that man were dead."
My eyes widen. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I've heard a thing or two about your daddy, but I had no idea it was that bad."
His voice turns into a sneer as he points into the air. "The only reason why that sumbitch ain't going to prison for good is because that damn Braylynn thought she was doing my brother Nash a favor by throwing him a bone. But she's a fool. He damn near killed her. And he's going to end up killing someone at some point in time. No two ways about that. At least, this time, the sheriff took his license away."
"There's that."
"And he's being forced to go to rehab for two rounds, his expense. Of course, that only means mine and Nash's expense, but at least this time it might not be a waste."
"You just have to think positive, Levi. I know it's hard."
"And now you see why I can't tell my daddy a lick about what's going on in my life."
"I do understand." My hand goes on top of his again. "Can I ask, you know, what do you think prompted him to start drinking to begin with."
He shrugs. "I don't really know. Probably because my mama's been fooling around on him for years, but I can't figure out which came first, if I'm being honest."
"Wow. What a mess. I mean, I've never been able to figure out what tears a family up, seeing as I'm so close with my folks."
He shakes his head slightly. "Well, I can tell you what, Lennie. It's because your folks already had a challenge. They were taxed with a deaf child. And they made the best of it. Some people are cut out for shit like that, and others aren't. It's just the way it is. My daddy has had a great job all his life, and my mama had a good thing going on with her job, until she screwed it up by screwing a dentist in Dallas, which just so happened to be a relative of her boss. A long removed relative, but word gets around."
My hand remains on his. I keep squeezing it intermittently, and he's not making any effort to remove it. "I believe that life is about choices. Some of us make good ones, and some of us make bad ones. But we always have a choice."
His opposite hand goes on top of mine. "It's also about goals, Lennie. And the choices that y'all make in order to reach those goals."
"Exactly."
He smiles at me. "Thanks for the talk. But you ought to get set up, or else you're going to miss your chance for this shot."
