He stares at his hands contemplatively. “I flunked out. Lost focus. Just kind of wandered around aimlessly for months, and then I just came back. This year I had to start from scratch. It was stupid and such a waste of time, but I guess it had to be done, to get to where I am now.”
“Are your grades better this year?”
“Much. And I’ve got a heavier course load, too.”
“Sounds like you had a little bit of a breakdown.”
He smirks. “Meltdown is what my brothers are calling it. They razzed me about it until mama found out. I suppose it was somewhat of a meltdown.”
“At least y’all got past it. That’s what matters.”
“I suppose. But I still feel stupid for wasting a year.”
“Call it a gap year.” I suggest, smirking at him.
“An awful expensive gap year.” He scoffs, good-naturedly.
“Well, you could have spent that in therapy. Instead you spent it gallivanting in Houston.”
“You could look at it that way, I suppose.” He reaches over and takes my hand in his. “So, friends, huh.”
I smile at him. “Yeah. And I think that this is going to be a great friendship.”
He winks at me. “I think so, too.”
***
“You want to hold him, darlin’?” Kate asks, sitting on the couch, holding her newborn son in her arms.
“Oh, gosh. I don’t know. I’ve never held a baby before.”
“It’s easy, sweetheart.” Emma says, picking the baby up and bringing him to me. Kate directs me to sit like so as Emma places the baby in my lap. He’s sound asleep and as still as water on a calm day. He doesn’t make a peep, either, which I’m thankful for. His chubby cheeks are so perfect I can’t help but stare at him. Little fingers so intricate I can’t help but think it’s true that babies are miracles. Eyelashes so tiny but perfect, gosh, everything about him is perfection. And as I stare at him, I realize that I never knew I wanted to have children, until now.
“You okay, darlin’?” Gunner asks, handing me a tissue, which I didn’t know I needed. The tears fall down my cheeks and I wipe them away, not taking my eyes off this precious angel.
“Goodness…he’s just so beautiful.” Is all I can think of to say.
Emma kisses my forehead. “Bless you, darlin’.”
“You want to babysit him some time?” Zack asks.
“I’d love to. But I’ve never looked after a baby before.”
“I’ll show you how to change him and feed him if y’all want.” Kate offers.
“Sure.” Is it weird that I’m falling in love with Gunner’s family? Is it wrong? I’ve never really had a family before. I had pieces of one, what, with mama and daddy working all day and night. Baby Tucker stretches out, opening his mouth for a yawn, and the tears pour down my cheeks again. “He’s so perfect.” I whisper. Kate, such a doll, is crouched down next to me, and she’s just glowing.
“You want to cuddle with him, love?” Kate offers. “Here. I’ll show you.” She pulls him up, ever so carefully, and his little bottom curls under, as she places him on my chest, while Emma helps me lean back on the couch. He fits like a glove in the crook of my neck, and I’m done.
“God, I want to have ten of these.” I chuckle, crying. It feels so good with a baby laying on me, trusting me like I’m his mama, so peaceful. I’m not sure what is more gratifying: riding a horse or holding a baby. And my whole life practically flashes before me as I start to reassess what it is I really want from life. I start to rethink my career, even. If I go on to become a psychologist, I’ll have to wait so long to have my own babies, and I don’t know if I want to do that. Am I being hasty? Foolish, even? Am I just awestruck here, or am I always going to want this?
“Well, darlin’, you can have as many as y’all want to.” Emma states. “I wanted to have more, too, but I wanted a girl, and since all boys kept coming, I figured I better stop, mind.”
I chuckle at that. “I wouldn’t care what I had, as long as it’s a baby.” I look at Kate. “How many more are you having?”
“Oh, I think this is it. Little Tucker here was a surprise at that.”
“We might have one more.” Zack says.
