“I have a dog back at home. My mama hates him though. I would have brought him here if animals were allowed on campus. If he was a service dog I’d be set.” I go back to the topic at hand. “So, how come you came to school, if you’ve got a ranch back at home? And it sounds to me like you love the horses.”
“I do love them, that’s true. But I guess when I watched all my friends go off to college, and I stuck around the ranch, I felt a little left out. After watching them get ready to go off again, I reckon I was ready to give it a try myself. But then when I got here, it was nothing like I thought.”
“What do you mean? Are you struggling?”
“You could say that.”
“Do you need help with studying? Because I’m really good at it. I could give you some tips.”
“Gosh, that’s awful kind of you, but I don’t want to put you out.”
“You’re not putting me out.” I admit. Then my eyes are downcast. “The truth of the matter is I’m a little lonely here. My friends all went to Dallas. And I guess I’ve got something in common with you, too, in that I was watching them all get ready to go to school locally, and I was packing my things. I was lucky to come out here, frankly, and if it were up to me, I’d have gone to college at an ivy league school, or somewhere exotic like Paris, but I’m stuck here.”
“How come y’all didn’t want to stick with your friends?”
Definitely don’t know him enough to answer this question. “I have my reasons. I just…wanted to get away, I suppose.”
“Then we’ve got something else in common.” He says, with an understanding on his face that I haven’t seen on anyone in a long time. He reaches out to my shoulder and gives me a friendly nudge. “I don’t want this to come out all cheesy-like, but, how come a pretty girl like you’s also got so many brains, huh.” His smile tells me it isn’t a come-on. He doesn’t have that forward tone and he’s not wiggling his eyebrows.
“I don’tworkat being pretty, Gunner. Iworkat my grades and school means a lot to me, and not because my folks told me so, either. Human behavior really interests me, and I want to pursue a career in psychology. Always wanted to explore the psyche. I’ve always been one to wonder why this person did this or that, and I’ve always wanted to help people, especially growing up in a small town, nestled away. No, being a psychologist will allow me to break free from all that.”
“So, you want to get away from Clarkstown for good?”
I swallow, knit my brows together and nod. “No, exactly the opposite. I want to be there, in Clarkstown, or maybe just in the outskirts, kind of where I live, but in a different capacity, you know?”
He nods, recognition in his eyes. “I can totally relate. And that’s how come I came to school for engineering. Because, as much as I love the ranch, I’ve got so many other things that I want to learn about. Like, this goddamn well we have, that my grand peepaw built like a hundred years ago. It got blown to smitherines when my brother threw a bomb down it a while back, but all the same, I can’t help but wonder how the hell things like that work, see? How y’all know how to build the cock on a shotgun, things like that. That’s how I figure I ought to be in school, in engineering. Because that’s the only way to shut my brain off. Problem is, I can’t focus. I’ve got too many things competing inside my brain.”
My face brightens. “And that’s exactly why I want to be a psychologist.”
He smiles, searching my face. And it’s like something clicks. I’ve never met anyone that I had such a connection with at first. “So how come your brother threw a bomb down the well?”
He draws in a deep breath and scrawls something down on his paper, taking his time answering my question. “I’m afraid that’s a long story, darlin’. Maybe I’ll tell you some day after y’all help me get my notes and thoughts in order.” I realize that he’s writing down the answers to my questions for the assignment, and I follow suit, figuring that the teacher is going to be calling us back in any moment.
When I’m finished writing, I find that he’s waiting for me patiently, and I can tell by the expression on his face, that he wants to ask me something. “What’s on your mind, Gunner?”
He slits his eyes a little. “Y’all said earlier that our friend over there…the one that asked if you were married…” he gestures with his chin to the direction that jerkwad went in. “…and you said that the fact that he asked if you were married was stupid. What did you mean by that?”
I figure I know him a little bit now, and we’ve shared some personal stuff about each other, so it’s safe to tell him something that only my small circle of friends knows about me. So I tell him something that I’ve never told anyone else that I haven’t known since junior kindergarten.
“Because I won’t ever get married, Gunner. Not for as long as I live.”
Chapter 2
Gunner
You want the truth? Yeah, I would have creamed the motherfucker had we not been standing in the middle of the dang hallway, right in earshot of a corridor full of bystanders. You’re goddamn right I would have. But I was trying to behave the way my mama raised me to behave, not the way my gut was telling me to. With all the frustration and anxiety brewing inside me, I would have welcomed the sound of his nose cracking against my knuckles. And the look on Ava’s face when I took the high road? Now, that I can’t replace. She’s sweet and I sure didn’t want to give her the wrong impression, as I’m so often giving.
That dude was asking for it, calling me stupid in front of the whole fucking class. I should have punched him in the face right there. But that would have landed me right back home, which is the last place I want to be. Now, I’m not getting into why I don’t want to be home right now, okay? I’m not finished talking about this pissant that thinks because he’s an inch taller than me, and lifts weights, that he can shove me around like that. That’s bullshit. No, that little shit, and about five others in that class, they’ve been asking for it. And by golly, if it weren’t for sweet little Ava, I’d a given them all what for.
Now, don’t get me wrong. See, I’m not a man to look for fights or anything, but I sure as hell don’t act like a goddamn doormat when push comes to shove. Truth be told, my mama always told me that she’d never let any of her boys be pushed around like that, and that’s how come nobody goes looking for trouble at Halen Ranch, no ma’am. We don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit. And I’m not about to start. But because I’m at school, not back at home, where mama would be right there telling me to plough the sumbitch for calling me stupid, I’ve got to mind my P’s and Q’s, see.
Ava sure is a sweet one. Nobody’s ever offered to help me with my schooling. Hell, even my brothers shied away from it when I was in high school. They never struggled. Not the way I’m struggling, anyway. Focus is a problem for me, but it doesn’t help that I’ve got some big mouthed goons behind me, throwing goddamn spitballs at me, like it’s fucking kindergarten, not freshman year in University. But I think I set the record straight for at least one of them, anyway. He knows that he’s messing with the wrong kid. It must be that, otherwise he’d a never been stupid enough to turn his back on me, and walk away.
But as she stands there, plain as day, and tells me that she’s never getting married, I start to think that maybe it’s good that she’s in psychology, on account of she’s a loon. “Really?” I scoff. Thinking somewhere out there, my mama’s just dropped to the floor, and fainted, in front of God and any witnesses. “Your folks…are they divorced or something?” I’ve heard of that. When folks fight so goddamn much it turns the kids off from ever getting married themselves.
“No, they’re still married.”
“Happily?”
