What I want…is for him not to move. I want him to stay back there, almost cradling my body in his, forever. I want his lips to touch my neck, suck my lobes, do all the things to me that I’ve only ever dreamed of, but have never experienced. But God strike me dead, I can’t. My folks would die. Then his phone rings from inside his dorm room. He’d left it there on the charger while we came out into the hallways. “Err…excuse me for one second, darlin’.” He says, releasing me, and I’m sad.
I watch his rear end as he walks into his room. In all its glory. Firm, tight, nice and round, completely grabbable, and I squeeze my lids tight, in an attempt to remove the image from my head. I follow him into his room, without any regard for his privacy, not even thinking about it. I have the remote in my hand still, and the car is right by the door, so I pick it up, and place it on his bed. Planting my butt on his bed, I see the charger for the remote, and I finagle it so the USB plugs into the proper place.
There’s a bunch of yeses coming out of Gunner’s mouth, but not much more. I’m not sure who he’s talking to, but then he cuts the conversation short, and says. “I’m not interested, but thanks.” And hangs up.
“Telemarketing?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He says, setting the phone down. “Hey, look at you. Thanks.” He says, noting that I figured out how to plug it in.
“I’m not as dumb as I look, you know, Gunner.” I say, not meaning to sound snarky.
“Oh, no, love. I didn’t mean it like that.” He says kindly, sitting next to me. “It’s just that the cord on that one is a little finicky is all. Hell, I’d never imply that you weren’t smart, love.” The conviction in his eyes and voice is so heartwarming, I can’t help myself. I kiss him on the cheek before I can stop myself.
He swallows and rises. Not sure if I made him uncomfortable, or if he just doesn’t want to makemeuncomfortable. He closes the door and locks it, seemingly buying time. “Oh, shoot. Did you want to…did you want to go to the common area or something?” he asks, almost nervously.
I ignore his question, watching as he removes his Stetson, placing it on his bed. I look at it, and for whatever reason, I pop it on my head. He smiles. “Looks good on you, darlin’.” And then something happens that I’ll never forget for as long as I live.
Chapter 4
Gunner
When she puts my Stetson on, with her hair all soft and silky-like, I’m thinking, ‘I’d like to see you wearing that…and nothing else’, but I stop myself. Ava’s sure being brave and all, sitting in my room, alone with me, and I’m not certain what her intentions are here, especially since she’s got that look in her eyes, wearing my hat. But I’m not making any moves on her, no ma’am. Just worried that she wants to, but she’s not sure how to do it. I’d bet my truck that she ain’t so much as kissed a man before. And I’m sure not going to be the one to break her in, if that’s going to be a mistake in her mind later, when her folks tell her so, and fill her head with more lies about men.
“So, I told you how come I came all the way out here to Houston, but I don’t think you ever told me why you did.” She says, still wearing my hat.
This is so not the time to talk about it, but I’m not sure what else there is to talk about, so I figure what have I got to lose. I draw in a deep breath, let it out, and sit down next to her with a soft grunt.
“Wow, that sure was a long pause, Gunner.” She says with concern. “If y’all don’t want to talk about it, I can respect that. You…respected me when I didn’t want to talk about something back at the restaurant.”
“Fair enough.” I say, pausing to wipe my lips with my thumb and forefinger. “Why don’t we lay our cards out on the table here. You tell me what you didn’t want to tell me before, and I’ll tell you the real reason why I’m here. That sound fair?”
“It does, but…I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell you.”
“Okay.” I nod. “I’m going to tell you, anyway, and then you decide.”
“You don’t have to, Gunner.” She says sincerely, and she’s so goddamn sweet, I slide the outside of my hand down her cheek.
“It’s okay, love. It’s not a big secret. It’s nothing terrible.” I purse my lips together in a slight smile. She waits patiently. “To be truthful, I didn’t realize it myself until a couple of days in, when I saw that RC car that I brought with me. The Scooby-Doo one.” I pause. “The one that my…err…that my daddy bought for me when I was a little younger.”
She waits, searching my face. My eyes are searching hers, too. “It came to me that the reason I came out here was because I was running away.” Another pause. “My brothers and my mama knew already. It just hadn’t hit me until that moment. And then it all made sense to me. Why my grades aren’t so good, and why I can’t seem to focus on anything in class.” I look at her and lick my lips. “Until you came around, that is. And…that’s not a line, darlin’. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I swear. I needed someone to bring me back to earth, you know.”
Ava sits silently, listening to me, and I can tell by her face that she knows I’m not full of shit, that I’m not just saying these things to get her in the sack. My wallet is in my back pocket, and I pull it out, removing something that’s tucked inside the billfold. I show her a newspaper clipping from the obituaries. “Because my mind was all in heaven…with my daddy.”
She looks at the clipping, taking it from me. It’s laminated, so she doesn’t have to worry about ruining it. He died just a few months ago, and that’s how come I left Clarkstown, instead of staying, and being with my family, who were all dealing with it. Mama it the hardest, since my older brothers had to admit her to a mental hospital. While reading the blurb about the man that inspired me more than anyone else in the world, a tear falls down her cheek, and when she looks up at me, a tear falls down mine, too.
“Gunner, I’m so sorry.” She says, her voice cracking.
“Thank you, love.” My voice cracks, too. I wipe the tear from my cheek and take the clipping from her, as she hands it back to me. After I tuck it back into my wallet, she wraps her arms around me, and I reciprocate. She feels so warm and home-like it almost hurts. And it occurs to me that I’m really falling for her hard and fast. I’ve never felt so close to another female, except my mama, and it’s so wonderful, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel like maybe this is for naught. She’s never going to be able to give me the things that I want from a life partner. I want to get married and have kids, and until her folks loosen the apron strings, I’m wasting my time.
I pull back, not wanting to push her, or to give her the wrong impression, even though she’s the one that pulled me to her initially. When our eyes meet, she wipes the tears from my eyes. “Gunner, I’m not sure if this helps at all, or if this is the right time, but what I wanted to tell you earlier is that I’m so afraid…because I’m falling for you…and I’m not sure what that means.”
“That’s funny, because I was just thinking the same thing, sweetheart.” I admit, rubbing my nose on hers affectionately.
“Really?”
I nod. “Yeah. I just…I know that your folks have certain…expectations…and I don’t want to be the guy that stomps on all that.”
“Even if you are the one?”
