I shakemy head and regret it, as the room starts to spin.
…and I wake up on the bathroom floor I don’t know how manyhours later…to the sound of Humphrey’s voice in thebackground.
***
Ellie
I’vedodged Maverick for a couple of days now, and as much as I feel badfor it, I know it’s the right thing to do. I even made up a storythat I had to go out of town for work for a couple of days, and I’mcareful not to leave my house, and keep my car in the garage, incase he decides to stop by and check. I know it sounds stupid, butyou never know. Every spare moment I have, I think about him. Imiss him so much it hurts, but I’ll never admit to it. And as I’msitting in my living room, late in the day on day two of not seeingMaverick, my phone rings, and it’s Sloane calling me.
“Hey,” I open with.
“Hey. I heard about you losing the baby.” A pause. “I’msorry.”
“Thanks.” I sigh noncommittally. “Who’d you hear itfrom?”
“I went horseback riding at the ranch the otherday.”
My voiceis flat. “So you went to dig and saw Maverick.”
“I didn’t see Maverick, as a matter of fact.” She admitspointedly. “He was taking his brother to the doctor.”
“But you went with the intention of seeing him.”
“Maybe.”
“Sloane, this is none of your business.”
Sheignores my statement. “You’re still breaking his heart, aren’tyou.”
“Like I said. It’s not your business. This is my life and I’lllive it how I see fit.”
“Look, you ought to give mom and dad a call and let them knowwhat’s going on, okay.”
“Why? Haven’t you spread the word, Sloane?”
“No, I haven’t, as a matter of fact.”
“Well, do me a favor then. Use your mouth for somethingpurposeful for a change.”
“Nice talk.”
“Look, I don’t need this right now, okay? I’m swamped withwork.”
“As always. Why don’t you take a few minutes out and deal withwhat happened, Ellie.”
“Again, it’s my life and I’ll do what I see fit.”
“You’re going to die alone, sis.”
“Then make sure I get buried with my ass facing upwards, soeveryone can kiss my ass.” I say and hang up, not wanting to say orhear any more regretful words. I stare at my phone for a full tenseconds before putting it back down on the couch. I think aboutwhat Sloane said for a minute, wondering if she’s right or wrong,but then I resign myself back to my original thought: that whatMaverick and I had was only because of the baby. Luckily, my phonerings for the next hour with client calls, steering my mind back toearth, and I end my day in bed.
His faceis in my mind and I can’t seem to get it out. He’s left me a fewtexts and even a voicemail but I can’t seem to bring myself tolisten to them or to respond. It’s easier to just tell him that I’mswamped, being out of town for work. Then I do something stupid andlisten to the message that he left. He sounds so kind and caringthat it makes my heart wrench. He says that he hopes I’m having funand taking care of myself while I’m away, and that he hopes to seeme soon, when I return.
As I layin bed, the tears start. God, I miss him. Is it just the hormonesthat are making me feel this way? Or is this for real? I’ve onlyever loved one other person this much, and it didn’t work out. Ican’t bear to go through that again. And this…what Maverick and Ihad…is over now that there is no baby. It’s a shot in the dark eventhinking that things could be different between us. And as much asI want to be with him, I know that it’s just a façade. After cryingmyself to sleep, I wake up with bags under my eyes and swellingakin to a bad allergy day. I decide that the only way to get overor under this is to get the hell out of the house.
It’sSaturday, so I get showered and get out the door, with a list inhand and an agenda in mind, and I walk to my car. It’s still earlyso there aren’t many people out, yet I get an odd shiver up myspine as I drive into the parking lot at the grocery store. Withthis eerie feeling I look around, trying to figure out what couldpossibly be wrong, when I see it. Maverick’s truck is parked in thelot. I know it’s is because he has a horse logo on the tailgate. AsI sit in my car, a safe distance from his truck, I wait.
Whatfeels like an unnecessary stake out turns out to be me, coweringaway in my car, afraid to make a move. And I can’t figure out why.What am I so afraid of, anyway? So he’s on the grocery store. Bigdeal. We both live in the same small town and we’re bound to runinto each other every now and again. I can’t avoid him for the restof my life, unless I want to move…again. The thought is ridiculous.I’m inwardly shaking my head at myself, thinking maybe that I’vegone off the deep end…when I see it.
