…and I won’t let myself cry.
***
Maverick
Kate andRuby are over for lunch when I call Blake to come pick me up. Ellieseemed so desperate for me to leave, I didn’t have the heart to askher if I could stay while Blake drove over to get me. As I pullmyself into his truck, he asks. “How’d it go?”
“Not good, man. She’s in pieces, but she won’t admit toit.”
“She’s a tough girl. She’ll get through it.” Blake says,turning around up the street.
We getto the house, and mama takes one look at me, and she knows whathappened. “I’m so sorry, love. It’s so hard.” She wants to hug me,but I don’t want to start up again. “Mama, I can’t.” I say, liftinga hand.
Rubylooks at me. “You want me to go talk to her, honey? I’ve beenthrough a miscarriage recently.”
My mouthopens in shock. “What, does the whole dang world knownow?”
Ruby’sface falls. “Gosh, I’m so sorry, Maverick. I didn’t mean to hurtyour feelings.”
I pursemy lips and trot upstairs, not wanting to see anyone or talk toanyone, except Ellie, the one person that doesn’t want to see ortalk to me. I can hear Blake tell Ruby that I don’t mean it, thatI’m just hurting is all. I hear her murmur that she understands. Ifeel like a shit, but I don’t want everyone looking at me likethat. It’s…demoralizing. I’m sitting on my bed, having a moment toget my head back on straight, when I hear a soft knock at the door.It's mama.
“Come in.”
“Hi, love.” She says, coming in, closing the door. “Can I talkto y’all for a second?”
“Sure, mama.”
She sitson the bed next to me. “Maverick, don’t feel badly about whathappened, love. Miscarriages are so common. Sometimes women justmove on real fast, or sometimes they take it real hard, but eitherway, as long as you love Ellie, you’ll get through it,darlin’.”
“I know, mama. She’s as tough as nails, but I feel like she’sgonna push me away, you know. I’m not sure of her feelings for menow that this is over.”
“It’s only over if you make it over, Maverick. Just becausethe baby’s gone, doesn’t mean that you can’t keep what y’allhad.”
“I think she just needs some time, mama. Time to figure it allout. And whatever she wants, I’ll give her, so long as we’retogether.” I pause for a moment. “It’s stupid, but, I miss heralready.”
“It’s not stupid at all, Maverick. You love her and she’shurting. But I think you’re wise to give her some space, if that’swhat she wants. You push too hard when she’s emotional like this,and she’ll push back. Good on you for leaving like sheasked.”
“Well, I don’t want to hurt her, mama.”
“Of course not, love. And don’t y’all worry about a thing withyour brothers. They’re all feeling like heels after whathappened.”
“They should.”
She patsmy leg, and I’m relieved that that’s all she wanted to say to me. Ican’t handle much more emotion for today. “Y’all coming back out?Lollipop’s needing a ride still for today.” She says with a wink.Lollipop is like a therapy horse. She’s all anyone ever needs whenthey’re feeling down.
“Yeah, I’ll take her out, mama. And thanks.”
“You betcha, darlin’.” Another wink.
***
Ellie
There isa knock at the door just before supper time. I’m dreading that itmay be Maverick, but when I open the door, I don’t recognize thefemale on the other side. She sticks her hand out. “I’m Ruby.Blake’s wife.” She introduces.
“Oh…hi.” I say reluctantly. “Can I help you?”
She getsa look on her face that says that she knows about myrecent…predicament. “Maverick told me what happened, and I justwanted to come and offer some advice, as someone who recently had asimilar experience.” She has something that smells delicious tuckedin a bag that she’s holding. “Y’all mind if I come in? If you don’twant me to, I’ll just leave this bag here, and go,okay?”
