It hadn’t been any of their fault. None of them had done that thing you see in the movies, where you’re completely swept off your feet, hormones running wild, ready to mount the man.
So, I’d never felt bad when they didn’t want to date me. The truth was, I had only dated them to try to go through the motions, hoping some feelings might grow between us.
It wasn’t that I’d never felt love. It was that I’d never even felt the faintest stirring of it.
The men I’d dated had been… pleasant. But it seemed like life needed something bigger than that. Pleasant wasn’t enough. Not if you had to see the man every day of your life.
Love had passed me by. And I was settled with that. It was only Jan who was still pushing for a hopeful outcome.
I went inside, clutching the envelope in my hand. I liked to savor the tiny pleasures in life. I’d open it this evening. That way I could anticipate it, like a mystery to unwrap.
Later on, after a shower and dinner, with my tiny dog Hot Cocoa on my lap, I picked up the envelope again.
Jan was always telling me that I needed more adventure in my life.
It was ridiculous that I could think a letter to Santa counted as an adventure.
My life was good, even if a little… predictable.
Itreallywas. I swear.
I had a nice job at the library working with people I liked. A cute little house all of my own. A 401K plan that was slowly but steadily growing. And good friends.
My heart dropped as I thought about that.
Most of my friends were married with kids at this point. Or at least in long-term relationships. I was turning into the classic definition of a spinster. I’d hit my thirty-first birthday this year.
A quiet, unsettled feeling shifted inside me. Who ever heard of a thirty-one-year-old virgin before?
I thought about what I wanted for Christmas.
There was only one thing.
A man who treasured me. Who made my pulse speed up. Who wanted to bend me over the kitchen table and take mehard.
Yeah. I was at the stage in my life where if I couldn’t findlove, I’d settle for some wild and crazy sex.
Couldn’t I at least have that?
I stared down at the envelope in my hands. I wasn’t going to find a big, rugged man ready to profess his love inside of it. No one would be coming to sweep me off my feet.
But it would be a pleasant distraction for the evening.
Even though it felt like an invasion of privacy, I ripped the envelope open and unfolded the letter.
A pile of glitter in the shape of teeny, tiny reindeer spilled out, landing on Cocoa’s head. She shook her head, but she was still bedazzled.
I laughed lightly as I tried to brush some of it off of her.
Then, I opened the letter and started reading.
Dear Santa,
I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this. It’s all Annie’s fault. She’s the one who dragged me here today. Okay, I’ll tell you what I want for Christmas only because she’s looking over my shoulder making sure I write something.
I want my niece to stop butting into my business~~~.
The writing squiggled off the page right there, and I tried to imagine what had happened.
