“When we started doing that – flopping out our tentacles at parties - do you remember, I said to you then that all I wanted was for our tentacles, which are an integral part of who we are, to be viewed as something positive and fun. And what did the humans do? Took advantage of us and turned us into playthings, totally undermining all the good we do when fully clothed. So yes, I did resent that, and I’ve resented it ever since.”
“But you never stopped the behavior,” Luc said gently. “If you look at it from a global perspective, we are the only krakens, theonly oneswho basically became sex toys for the people who come to our parties, who allow our tentacles to be used in that manner.
“Why? Was this strictly just a publicity stunt for the hotel? Why did you even come up with the idea? Tell me the truth, Nic, because I need to know.”
Nic closed his eyes for a moment. It was typical that Luc would sense something was missing from the story, and yet he felt gutted, too. Luc was usually happy to let things go where he was concerned.I have to tell him. I don’t have a choice.
“I was resentful. That much is true.” Nic couldn’t even look at his longtime partner. He felt so absolutely drained. Between the full shift, the long swim, and then their meeting with the Oracle andall that entailed…and now there was a lump of despair in his gut that was hard to shift.
“We’ve been together fifty years. Fifty years of sharing our lives, sharing a bed, going everywhere together, and never being apart. Fifty years, and the only intimacy we share is one solitary kiss on New Year’s Eve. That’s it. One kiss a year. I have craved you so badly, wanted you so intensely...”
Nic looked up, spotting a dolphin fin way out in the distance. Then he saw another one, and another one.I’d far rather be out there playing with you,he thought sadly. But Luc deserved at least part of his truth.
“In some weird way, I thought if we allowed ourselves to play with others, never getting off ourselves, obviously, but at least being involved in some sort of intimacy… When that happens, you and I are the ones holding hands. You and I are the ones focused on each other, and our tentacles do their things with others. But in my head, and I do realize how ridiculous this sounds, but in my head, I had despaired of ever having you tangled with my tentacles, of ever having you claim me the way I’ve dreamed of for so long. The humans were a diversion, and yet they were the only way I could dream of what I might have with you. So yes. I hated them for it, almost as much as I hated myself.”
/~/~/~/~/
Luc
“I do wish you had told me about how you felt sooner,” Luc said after a long moment. If anyone had asked him how he was feeling in that minute, he’d never be able to put it into words. On one side, Nic was finally being honest, just as Luc had asked him to be.I should’ve asked him about this so much sooner.
On the other side, Nic and Luc’s mating had the potential to be completely derailed if they didn’t find a way to get past the mistakes of the past.
“I wish you’d said something, anything to me, at any time about how you felt over the past fifty years. At least since we opened the hotel and you started talking about the play times as a means to help promote the hotel.” Just thinking about that made Luc feel angry all over again – the same as he’d felt at the time.
“Damn it all, you had a presentation with slides and everything. You were so animated, so excited, determined that using our tentacles would put our hotel on the map. You were so determined it would succeed, and guess what, my mate, from a business perspective it did.”
Luc swallowed down the lump in his throat, blinking back his tears. “I would do anything to make you happy, and you told me that this idea was what you wanted. But every fucking time anybody touched my tentacles, and it wasn’t you, I hated it. Any time I saw all those people rubbing their naked or semi-naked bodies over your tentacles, I felt sick inside, and I hated it.”
“Then why…?”
“We hadn’t claimed each other!” Luc fisted his hands on his thighs. “I had no right to tell you who could or couldn’t tangle in your tentacles. I thought you were enjoying it – it was your fucking idea. I only knew I couldn’t tangle with you because that’s what we agreedtogether.”
Shaking his head, Luc quickly brushed his tears from his face. “From what I could see - each and every time - you were lapping up the attention, having a whale of a time, and that’s why I couldn’t tell you how it made me feel. You’ve never had the slightest complaint until this visit to the island, and even then,before our meeting with the Oracle, I still didn’t know how you truly felt, did I?”
“I was waiting for you to put a stop to it.” Nic wouldn’t even look at him, reclining back on his chair, staring at the sky. “And then, when you didn’t…”
“Didn’t you hear me? I wanted you to be happy!” Luc was ready to scream. “What part of that don’t you understand? You told me that you wanted to play with people. What type of mate would I be if I didn’t believe you? If I didn’t support what you wanted to do? And now you’ve got the fucking gall to turn that against me now?”
“No, Luc, no. That’s not it at all.” Nic sprang up, so he was sitting up, facing him with his hands twisting together. “Call me pathetic, call me an idiot, whatever you want to call me. I deserve that and more. But I wanted you to want me. I wanted you to protect me from them, the way a shifter mate would.”
“In the middle of a party at the hotel?” Luc could understand where Nic was coming from – he had wanted to do what Nic had hoped so many times - but being huge shifters meant they had to act responsibly.
“I didn’t say it was logical. You’re the logical one between us.”
“Oh, Nic.” Luc let out a long sigh, feeling his tensions drain away with his breath. “I have loved you since the Arctic. I will love you forevermore. But, seeing as you apparently need for me to say it, I’m telling you now. If one person, other than me or our third, touches your tentacles for any reason, I’ll be touching them with mine, and it won’t be pleasant. Is that firm enough for you? Is that what you wanted from me?”
Nic nodded. “Oh, my gods, yes. Thank you.” His inhale was shaky, and Luc noticed the tears in his eyes, too, but Luc couldalso sense his mate’s pleasure, and that settled something inside of him.
“So,” Nic added a moment later. “Are we discounting the idea that our human will turn up on the island completely? Only if that’s the case, we might need to break out our emergency computer and see if we have any temporary staff employed at the hotel for the holidays. Maybe one of them is human. Or perhaps one of the guests? What do you think?”
“I don’t think our mate will be with another paranormal as a guest. It can only be a member of staff, so it would be an idea to add non-para to the search terms as well. Some humans prefer to use that term,” Luc suggested. Sitting up, he reached for Nic’s hand. “Are you sure you want to do this? We can’t find our mate, and then spend the next ten years apologizing to them every time your resentment rears its ugly head. That’s not the way to behave with a mate.”
Nic was silent for a moment, and then he squeezed Luc’s hand. “Will this person see us as people, do you think?”
“They are going to be perfect for us, so I am guessing yes.” Luc looked down at where their hands were joined. He had wanted to feel those hands on so many other places for so long.Soon,he reminded himself. He looked up with a smile. “So long as you don’t go flopping your tentacles out the moment you see them, I think we’ll be fine.”
“Yours are longer.” It was a relief for Nic to tease him back. “I’m thinking we might want to get rid of that statue in the front lobby, too. It’s a bit…”
