Traitor. He just huffed and ignored me.
Bal’s lips curled, revealing his sharp fangs, which only heated my blood more. “I’d normally make you work harder for it, but I agree. In return, you will also respect my wishes to be called Balthazar again. Or Bal. Count, or Count Rossi, sounds too formal, especially considering I let you swallow my blood, and make you come at least twice every night. I also want you touse my name when I make you beg to come.” His smile turned wicked, especially when my cheeks heated, and blood flowed south. How did he manage to turn me on so much with just his words? He inhaled deeply, his grin growing until his sharp teeth glinted menacingly.
Shit, the thought that he could scent me, like shifters did their mates, did funny things to my insides. “Fine. But I stand by what I said before. Don’t compel me to kneel ever again. If I kneel for you, it’s because it’s my choice. I will never be forced into anything again. Not by you or anyone else.”
His face darkened, but he didn’t interrupt me, seemingly aware there was more I had to say.
“And I understand that I am a new vampire. A Made. But that does not give any of your men the right to be arseholes towards me. I’ve not hurt them, and I’ve cleared the air between me and Elliot, so Dav can fuck off. If anyone calls me wolfie, boy, monster, or anything else your minions can think up, I’ll remove their tongues.”
“Vampires are physical beings. So I imagine you’ll have to fight that battle with Dav yourself at some point.”
I grunted. I didn’t care. I’d been fighting battles all of my life and didn’t need anyone else to protect me. Least of all Bal. My only concern was my self-control. I’d lost it when the attack had happened, and though I had no qualms about hurting my enemies or anyone who threatened Bal and Sor, I didn’t want to lose it with someone who didn’t deserve it. Elliot was a trained fighter, and I’d overpowered him easily. What if it had been an innocent….
“Shane. I will not let you hurt any innocent people. You are nearly through your bloodlust, but you will still need to learn to master your blood cravings. It will take time.” Bal’s voice softened slightly, but his face was neutral. “We will start your training tomorrow. You will accompany me to Connor’scompound. It will test you to be around so many people, but I believe you will be able to handle it.”
My wolf preened at his praise, even if my stomach clenched at the thought that I might not actually be able to control my urge to feed.
Bal leaned forward, his attention making me want to shrink under its weight. Instead, I kept my spine fixed, but suddenly found the view from his study window enticing. Perhaps I should refuse to go. Losing control at Connor’s would cause all kinds of problems. What if I hurt someone I’d been close to? No. I couldn’t allow that. Even the possibility of it made me feel sick.
“Shane.”
I jumped as a firm touch on my clenched jaw encouraged me to turn my head so I had to look at him. Bal stood right in front of me. I swallowed hard, and my attention bounced from his mouth to his eyes and back again. Red bled into his pale irises, but it wasn’t lust or hunger there; it was something else. Something softer. Shit, broody, ice-cold Count Balthazar was difficult enough to resist. This version, with his soft, almost kind, expression, made me want to fall into his embrace and hide from the shit show of my life. What would it be like to have him on my side, to protect me from the world…even from myself. I shook my head. I didn’t need protection, and that kind of thinking was dangerous. I’d never relied on anyone in my entire life, and craving that kind of relationship with someone like Balthazar Rossi was emotional suicide.
“It’s okay. I won’t allow you to harm anyone. All you need to do is stay close to me and listen. Can you do that? I won’t compel you unless it’s necessary, but I need your word that, if it is necessary, you won’t fight me.”
What could I say? The lack of control over my own actions when being compelled scared me shitless, but so did hurting thepeople who’d been my friends and pack. I nodded. Bal’s fingers brushed my cheek and jaw as I did.
His lips twitched, forming his patented half smile, and right then, I wanted nothing more than to slam my mouth against his. He might satisfy my need for sex multiple times every night and encourage me to drink his blood to stay alive, but he still didn’t allow me to touch him. And we hadn’t kissed. But I really, really wanted to. His touch slid away, and I instantly mourned it. Yep. I needed to keep my wants and feelings in check or he’d break me.
“Good. Now, after we visit Connor and discuss the last raid his Sentinels completed, I need to go to London. You will remain here with Sorcha and keep each other company. Make sure she eats, rests, and recovers. Once she is strong enough to work again, you’ll both accompany me to the Gambit. Sorcha will resume her bar work, and you will watch over her.”
My brows drew down. “You want me to babysit her?”
“No, Shane, I want you to guard her. She is…special. I always have someone protecting her. That someone will now be you.”
He was right, she was special, and the fact that he thought so warmed me more than I wanted to admit. Yet being responsible for Sor’s safety when I didn’t fully trust myself made my skin itch. “But what if I’m not ready…”
He waved a hand to cut me off, his face earnest. “You will be ready. Don’t worry. I will have your back, as will my team. Besides, Sorcha is not yet recovered, so you will have time to get a handle on your…urges before we go.”
I winced but didn’t argue. I had to try out my limits somehow. Connor’s compound was one thing, but a nightclub, where there were very few rules and hundreds of people, didn’t seem like the best idea. Although maybe he was right. I needed to challenge myself and be certain I was in control, because at some point, he would ask me to leave his home, and I had to be ready.
13
Sorcha
I twistedthis way and that, looking at myself in the full-length mirror. Goosebumps covered my skin. Not because I was cold, but because I had his blood in my veins. It was like an electric charge. I felt it buzzing through me, a strange tingling that had infused my whole body after waking up from my blood-loss-induced coma. I’d thought the vibration of power through my veins might disappear over time, but it didn’t. If anything, it was getting stronger.
My memories of what had happened after the attack were patchy, but I clearly remembered Bal’s words about me being human, and my anger and shame at his callous comments. He’d pushed me away again, making it abundantly clear that I wasn’t anything to him; that I wasn’t good enough. He really was a cold-hearted bas… I took a breath, still uncomfortable with swearing, even in my head.
The pain that had seared my stomach was hard to forget. It was the kind that consumed you, making you want to throw upright before you fainted. I’d gotten in the shower, agony stealing my awareness. Nothing else existed. I’d honestly thought I was going to die, until Bal’s soft reassurances had reached through the fog, and Shane’s presence had calmed my crippling fear. I knew they’d care for me as surely as I knew the sun would rise tomorrow.
I recalled a soft bed, and then the taste of warm, thick blood as it rolled across my tongue and down my throat. No wonder Shane was addicted to the Count. I’d never been forced to drink blood, even as a captive, but it had been a revelation. His coppery and spicy taste was ingrained in my mind forever, and it was inflaming my body. Desire throbbed between my legs, a constant companion. And Shane’s presence by my side every night since the attack had only cemented the way I felt about him. Even with clothes on, he was so magnificent it was hard to keep my hands to myself.
They had me in so many pieces that I couldn’t concentrate on anything. There was a burning drive to go and find them, to touch them and have them touch me, especially since I’d recovered enough to walk. Yet, even that draw wasn’t enough to dull the terror I felt at leaving my room alone.
I took a deep breath, held it, and slowly exhaled as my heart thumped. I’d tried all kinds of distraction techniques from my burning lust: binge-watching various streamed TV series, reading steamy romance, which only made the situation between my legs worse, researching vampires and shifters online, pacing the room, even taking a cold shower, but nothing dampened the aching desire to be with them.
And that need to feel one or both of them inside me was only getting worse. It was torture, especially when Shane watched me with a dark and needy stare that made my blood heat. He wanted me almost as much as I wanted him. I could see it plain as day, but I’d never been in a position where asking foranything for myself was acceptable. And, even though I wasn’t a slave anymore, I still couldn’t force the words from my mouth. I needed him to make the first move. Only he hadn’t touched me other than to make sure I was comfortable and fed.
