B’nar strode forward and grasped my shoulder, his face sincere. “I know how hard this is. When someone you care about is set on such a destructive path, it’s difficult to know what to do. Is she really intent on hurting herself so much that she can’t stop while we save her sister? If you aren’t sure how far gone she is, it might help to give her enough rope to hang herself, so to speak. That way, if she really is intent on destroying herself, either consciously or because she’s reached the point that her addictions control her, you’ll know for sure.”
I was surprised by the understanding in his voice. “You have experience with this kind of thing, don’t you.”
B’nar tipped his head back, his big shoulders rising and falling, his fists clenched. “My youngest brother.”
Silence fell. B’nar had mentioned a younger brother called Arrochar, but that clearly wasn’t who he meant now, not if the look on his face and the grief in his eyes were anything to go by. I wouldn’t pry. He would elaborate if he wanted to. He straightened, his face becoming blank as he looked at me. Clearly, he didn’t. I couldn’t blame him. Talking about things that could never be changed, that hurt too damned much to even think about, wasn’t something I would do either.
“We leave in fifteen minutes. I’ll wait near the portal ground. My warriors and plenty of weapons will be coming with us.” He strode to the door but hesitated and looked back over his shoulder. “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll help where I can. Just be prepared that sometimes, no matter what you do, you can’t change the outcome.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, realising that, even though I trusted B’nar with my life, I knew very little about his past, about him. Perhaps being emotionally distant was the product of growing up as the child of a powerful father and all the expectations that went with it. We had that in common. Atleast I’d managed to escape my prison of responsibility and expectation. So far.
With a heavy sigh, I strode to the shelves of books at the back of the room. Fumbling behind the books, I found the release catch for the entrance to the secret armoury. B’nar had given me access to it the last time I was here. Leaving the library behind, I hurried into the ultra-modern and technologically advanced area. I wouldn’t take weapons without B’nar’s permission, but Shannon needed clothes, clean ones that weren’t covered in vomit and sweat. Grabbing her some combat trousers, an armoured top that looked like nothing more than a layer of long-sleeved silk, boots, and a padded snow jacket, I quickly retraced my steps up the curving stone staircase and back into the library. Closing the entrance securely, I made my way as quickly as possible to Shannon’s room.
The palace had the air of a warm, well-cared-for home, which on any other day would be welcome. The staff nodded politely and greeted me, dipping their heads in respect as they went about their business. Such a comfortable and friendly atmosphere always unnerved me. My father’s home had been hushed. A place where the staff daren’t speak or even look at the family of High Fae who lived within its walls. It had been a cold and joyless place despite being filled with luxury and beams of beautiful sunlight shining through the large windows. The scent of spring-laced snow and flowers had always drifted in on the breeze along with birdsong and the hum of bees. They were beautiful sounds sporadically filling the stately home and gardens when the Fae moons were high and the gentle wind brought warmth across borders. House Vilderon’s lands nestled in the lands that bordered the Winter and Spring Kingdoms. And I’d hated it with every fibre of my being right from the moment my mother and I had been taken to live with my estranged father.
Like always, I pushed away those memories, hoping Shannon was awake. B’nar was right. If not being there for Ava had indeed been a mistake, maybe I should give her the opportunity to show me, or rather her sister, Rawson, Connor, and basically everyone she lived and worked with, that she was in control. Besides, despite everything, I didn’t want to leave her here, and yet my steps slowed the closer I got.
My wolf rumbled his disapproval of my plan, urging me to keep her locked away and safe. Part of me agreed with him. I wanted to stop her from further stupidity—like drinking until she passed out or starving herself, or fucking any cock that was willing. My fists clenched as my vision turned red. Not because she fucked who she wanted—we were shifters, and shifters were physical beings who liked to fuck—but because no matter how much I tried to distance myself from her, it made me want to rip the fuckers’ heads off. My wolf growled, the sound echoing around my skull.
Sometimes finding a potential mate sucked. Especially since she’d sent me a bigfuck youthe night of the Beta challenge when I’d tried to make it clear that being forced to live with her didn’t affect me. From the moment we’d arrived in Hope, she’d spent as much time out of the house that we shared as she could, and I couldn’t deny I was pissed at her for avoiding me.
We’d been sent to Hope to make sure Ava was okay, so I shouldn’t have felt resentful of the time she devoted to her sister and the new friends she’d made. Nor should the fact that she visited a different bar every day bother me, especially the newly opened club, the Black Orchid, which had become her favourite haunt. It shouldn’t bother me that, rather than sleeping under the same roof as me, she preferred staying out in motels, fucking her latest conquest. I knew how often she did because Eli Ruthless, the manager of the bars and clubs in Hope, had hispeople phone me and tell me when she left or when she was so drunk she needed me to come get her.
I stretched to relieve the tension in my neck and back muscles. Shannon was part of Connor’s family, his inner circle, and if anything happened and Eli hadn’t watched out for her, there’d be hell to pay. She didn’t hear his phone calls to me, but she knew he had something to do with me turning up to ruin her fun. He always took her saltiness with good humour. We both knew her vitriol and self-destructive behaviour didn’t make her any less important to Connor or me.
I never got involved, especially if Eli thought she was capable of consenting to whatever she and her fuck buddies did. I knew if I needed to hunt her down, I could. It was easy to trace her phone or use my sense of smell to find her. And Eli wasn’t stupid; he was a new Alpha to Hope, and if he wanted Rawson’s and Connor’s trust and permission to stay and manage the business ventures he’d been allowed to set up, he needed to stay on our good side.
Eli always made sure he had images of the guys Shannon left with. I’d never looked at those videos or pictures. Knowing she was fucking someone else was one thing; seeing their faces would tip me over the fucking edge. And beating them to death in a fit of jealous rage wouldn’t do either of us any favours. But no matter how much I denied my feelings for her, I was jealous. That’s why I locked down my emotions, except that denial has never stopped me from caring. Fuck, when I’d found her sleeping outside one night, or perhaps she’d passed out, I didn’t know, I’d picked her up and carried her inside, making sure she had water and some headache pills for when she woke up, I’d had to leave. It was that, or give in to the urge to wrap her in my arms and demand she tell me what was going on in her head, why she was intent on destroying herself.
Worrying about her welfare didn’t mean I had any right to interfere. So I’d never talked to her about her behaviour. Living with her wasn’t fucking easy at the best of times, but denying our potential bond was driving me crazy. My wolf was constantly in a pissy mood, and it had become more and more difficult to rein in my temper, not to mention my possessive Fae side. Most of the time, I swung between wanting to fuck her senseless and claim her so no one else could ever touch her or hurt her again, including herself, and telling Connor to send someone else to watch over Ava and Shannon so I could distance myself even more. Several times I’d wanted to return to the compound in Scotland and resume my position as Connor’s third in command.
I bounded up the ornate staircase, my fingers drifting over the smooth blue wood. She was messing with my head enough that I couldn't think straight anymore. I’d even tried to forget about her by hooking up with a gorgeous female who flirted with me at the Beta challenge match, but fucking another woman left me cold. Rather than a pleasurable afterglow, all I’d felt was empty. And my wolf had felt the same. I was an Alpha, and I needed that physical relief, but since we’d been in Hope, I’d found it bordering on impossible to find room in my head for anyone but Shannon. She consumed my thoughts even when I didn’t want her to.
Mother fucking wolf, just the thought of her kissing someone else made me want to punch the godsdamned wall. And I knew she wouldn’t stop hurting herself. No amount of trust or freedom would kill whatever demons haunted her. She’d continue to drown them in a fog of alcohol and sex. Helping her fight them was on me. The time for pushing her away was done. She needed help whether she knew it or not, and no matter how hard she resisted, I wouldn’t give up on her. I intended to push back hard until she understood her worth. I was done ignoringher implosion. I just hoped I could stay off my father’s radar long enough to help her or we were both fucked. I swore under my breath. It didn’t matter; she was worth the risk.
I jogged up the smaller, winding staircase towards Shannon’s temporary accommodation, hoping that she hadn’t been sick again. Shit, what if she’d choked on her own vomit? Heart racing, I leapt up the rest of the stairs two at a time. I should have checked on her earlier or, at the least, asked the staff to….
My wolf rumbled at the thought of letting any Fae in the room with her while she wasn’t at full strength. The Fae were clever fuckers, and a shifter with their human-based blood was always a target. Given the chance, they would manipulate her into saying her real name before she even registered what they were doing, especially with a hangover from hell.
Real names gave the more powerful of our race control over another being. Shifters and humans were a precious commodity in this world. Their minds were easy to control, and when aroused, their pheromones made the Fae wild with lust. No way were they taking Shannon from me and forcing her into the underground sex trafficking rings that went on in Faery.
I leapt up the last three stairs in one go, hating that I felt even remotely guilty for leaving her alone when I’d sat by her bed all night, only sleeping for minutes at a time. Time in Faery moved slower than in the human realm. It was still measured in days, hours, even minutes, but it had only been overnight in Faery since we arrived, and Shannon had passed out after throwing her guts up. It had been far longer back on Earth, which was why I was in a hurry to get back. My brother needed me, and missing a fight with the Mades wasn’t happening. Those fuckers needed to burn in the Hell Connor and Ember had once escaped and give us all a damned break.
Taking a deep breath, I reached for the handle of the elaborately carved door. My stomach clenched. I was desperateto open it and prove to myself that Shan was okay and in one piece, yet at the same time, I wanted to leave it locked. If she was in that room, she couldn’t tumble those we loved into another shit storm by her carelessness, nor could she continue on her path of self-destruction.
Trapping the bundle of clothes between my forearm and chest, I pulled a key from my pocket. I had no illusions about Shannon. She’d run the first chance she got, and no matter how pissed off I was with her, that wasn’t happening. Breaking down the barriers that kept her from facing her demons was my priority. Escaping me just wasn’t an option. She wasn’t stupid; she’d have worked that much out but wouldn’t accept it yet.
It was hard to see Shannon, a highly trained SBI agent, so vulnerable. She was an addict. Even being a shifter hadn’t saved her from alcoholism. Now, she was weak and underfed, not to mention who the fuck knew what was going on in her head. It was up to me to keep her safe.
The door opened silently as I pushed it inwards. Before I could open my mouth to speak, something sailed past my head and smashed into smithereens against the door frame. Only my quick reflexes to duck saved my skull.
“You fucker! Let me out of here!”
Crystal shards covered the carpet, sticking up threateningly from the thick pile. I eyed Shannon’s bare feet, where they peeked out from under the bottom of the sheet she’d wrapped around herself. Hiding my irritation that she’d put herself in danger again, I calmly closed the door and faced her wrath. I was surprised she hadn’t jumped me and tried to break my neck as soon as I walked in. That was more like the Shannon I knew.
I tilted my head and studied her wan features. No, this wasn’t that person. At least, not right now. She looked exhausted—and hungover. I wondered how long she’d been consuming so muchalcohol that not even her shifter metabolism could clean it from her blood. It was unlikely it was only since we’d been in Hope.
My eyes fixated on the rise and fall of her chest under the sheet. “You’re naked.” I almost rolled my eyes at my stupid statement. I’d never been any good at saying what I meant, which was another reason I usually swallowed my words until I thought about what to say. Usually. It was only when my brain was so full of thoughts that words slipped out without context. Like now.
