Shit!
It was a long way to the Black Orchid. Too far for me to hobble with a sprained ankle. Despair hit me. For some reason, the thought of Stone finding me on the driveway outside thehouse was worse than him discovering me in the Orchid rat-arse drunk. I blinked to clear my vision, inhaling against the tightness in my chest. No, I wouldn’t give up and just sit in the cold all night. Maybe I could shift. My wolf could heal my ankle, and I’d get to the Orchid before it closed. She whined, her essence vague and weak. My poor wolf. She was always weak these days.
You are weak, stupid and selfish. No good for anything except fucking…I blinked as my dad’s voice grated through my head. Mother fucker! I needed oblivion from his voice. His godsdamned voice. It followed me everywhere. Never letting up. Telling me how useless I was. That I’d never amount to anything. I fisted my hands, and my unkempt nails scored my palms,the pain grounding me and dulling his hateful words.
Hope had turned as cold as the Winter Kingdom. The frigid air seeped into my bones, amping up my shivering as sweat evaporated from my skin. I had no watch, but it had to be really late or perhaps really early. There were still some lights on in the houses, but not many. It didn’t matter. I knew the Orchid stayed open until dawn, so I’d be fine.
My teeth creaked as I gritted my jaw. I would get there. All I needed was that burn of rose water to warm my insides and settle my nerves, and I’d be fine. Sudden and vicious clenching of my stomach had me bent over at the waist, dry heaving. Bile stung my throat and mouth. A sob wrenched from me, but I wouldn’t give in; my goal was the Orchid and that’s where I was going. I panted, looking at Becca’s front door and fully expecting an angry lion shifter to come barrelling through it and drag me back inside. I had to get out of here or I’d never make it, and I’d be a monkey’s fucking uncle if I’d let Stone dictate when I could or couldn’t walk around and make my own decisions. If I wanted a drink or a fuck, I’d have one.
Except…that wasn’t true. I didn’t want to fuck anyone. I just needed a drink. Then, when Stoney tracked me down, he could rip into me, and I wouldn’t feel a thing.
My ability to change had always come naturally, but no matter how hard I tried, there was no pulling my shifter spirit forward. She whimpered, her guilt and shame only increasing mine. Fine. No shifting, then. Blowing out a trembling breath, I set off, biting my cheek to keep from crying out with every painful and desperate step.
Chapter 8
Stone
My body was utterly fucked. I didn't sleep at all last night. There’d been no downtime as I organised the patrols of Hope’s boundary and kept watch over Rawson’s house. Part of me was thankful that I’d been kept busy. It had stopped me from falling asleep and, more importantly, prevented me from giving in to my instincts to head right back to Shannon's side.
My body ached, exhaustion making my muscles heavy and my body twitchy. Stretching my neck and unfurling my fingers from my death grip on the steering wheel helped a bit. I had to keep going. I’d been there for Rawson when the sun rose. He’d walked out of his house with a determined air. One look at my brother’s face and I’d known where he wanted to go without him saying a word. We’d driven in silence until I’d dropped him at Becca’s clinic. As he climbed out of the SUV, he’d asked me to be there for Ava when she woke up, and I knew how hard it was for him to leave her only a few hours after getting her back, so I agreed. Rawson was broken in ways I couldn’t fathom.
I hoped with all my heart that, with Becca’s help, Rawson could learn to forgive himself and move on. Maybe Becca could help Shannon, too. First, she needed to break the cycle she was in. Besides, I had no intention of letting her stay in this world, one that had hurt her so much. She needed to get far away from everything she knew, including the echoes of her past, somewhere she could empty her mind and heal her soul.
I pressed my foot harder on the pedal, accelerating towards the Orchid. Eli had rung me while I was driving Ava to find Rawson. Understandably, Ava’s focus was on my brother, but after the phone call from Eli, her worry about Shannon had been as evident as mine. I’d admitted that I knew Shan carried the weight of what their father had done, like a weight around her neck. But there was more to her pain than that. Shan needed time to come to terms with her demons, but she couldn’t do that with everything that linked back to her father hitting her in the face every day. Even Ava. I knew it, and so did Connor. It was why he’d tasked me with caring for Shannon, that and the fact that our blood bond gave him an idea of the confused feelings I’d had towards her.
Air escaped my lips. I wasn’t confused now. I was pissed off. And worried. I’d thought Jed would come through for me, but the fucker hadn’t rung to say she wasn’t at Becca’s this morning—unless he’d taken her to the damned club. But no, it would have been shut by then. He’d just fucking ignored his orders. The stupid shit needed a pasting. This was why I still didn’t trust him.
My fingers tightened around the steering wheel. Eli had said she was in a state again. A growl vibrated my chest. I should have been there for her… But Rawson had needed me, too… Shit, why did everything always happen at once? It had been the same when Gwen died. I’d been too distracted with finding ussomewhere to live and a way to earn money and feed us to sense the danger until it was on us.
On our short journey, Ava told me Shannon had admitted to pushing me away because she didn’t think she was good enough. That was a load of horseshit if ever I’d heard it. More like I wasn’t good enough for her. She just didn’t know enough about my past life or my weaknesses to make that connection. No, because I constantlylether push me away. Mainly so I didn’t have to admit to her that I’d failed my mate and wasn’t as strong as people thought.
My wolf grumbled his dissatisfaction at my thoughts. He was right. I’d promised Ava I’d disabuse Shan of the idea she wasn’t good enough, but maybe I needed to work on feeling like I was good enough for her, too. A good place to start was to protect her and stop allowing her to run to the nearest club and get drunk. And I knew exactly how to do that. We’d go somewhere where there was no alcohol. Right after I’d gotten her through what would probably be the most challenging time of her life.
I’d thought about taking her back to the compound in Scotland. We’d made the beautiful estate on the west coast of Scotland our home after the war with Berith had been won. But as much as I loved and missed my brothers and their young ones, I craved a break from this life almost as much as Shannon did.
The Winter forests called to me. I craved the clean air and pine smell, the caress of an icy breeze through my fur and the touch of snowflakes on my cheeks. My wolf rumbled his agreement. First, I needed to get to Shannon.
The inside of the Black Orchid was quiet. There were a few staff members around, but the bar was shut now, so, no patrons. I wondered when Eli actually slept. Or perhaps he wasn’t usually here until closing at dawn.
The staff nodded their heads before averting their gazes. I ignored them, not feeling in any way sociable and confident that my reputation would keep them away, not to mention the glower on my face. I inhaled deeply, taking a moment to scan the room and check for threats. It was second nature to me now.
On a table near the bar, Shannon sat staring into a glass that contained a clear liquid. Jed’s head swung my way, his eyes widening as he realised he was in deep shit. He was sitting right beside her watching her fucking drink? Fucking idiot! I stormed forward. He jumped up, lifting his hands in supplication.
“Hey man… She’s…”
My fist connected with his jaw, my punch reinforced with magic, and he flew back, legs and arms flailing before he slammed against the bar. Gorilla shifter or not, he would never be as strong as me. Not just because I was a Sentinel and carried Connor’s blood, but because I was Fae, and I was pissed the fuck off.
“Jesus, Stone!” Eli yelled and vaulted the bar, standing in front of Jed. He kept his gaze trained away from my eyes, not wanting to antagonise me further. Too late.
I grabbed his throat. “What the fuck were you thinking serving vodka to a fucking alcoholic?”
His face turned purple, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to speak. He made desperate noises, yet it wasn’t fear I scented from him but frustration. He tapped my shoulder, gesturing behind me.
Shit! I dropped him immediately and faced Shannon. Fuck. I was a selfish bastard. I’d given in to my fury rather than checking on her first. I shoved Eli away and spun, landing on my knees next to Shannon. Her blonde hair was lank and damp with sweat, her shoulders hunched, and her elbows on the table. Desperation leaked from every pore, her hands speared into herhair, her face downturned like she was hiding from the world. Me included.
Two small pools of wetness gathered on the tabletop, and seeing her crying did something to me. My chest squeezed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and I wanted to punch my own lights out for being such a dick.
“Hey?” I gently touched her upper arm. I was furious with her for leaving Becca’s, but it wasn’t her fault. After all, what had I expected? She was an addict, and she was hurting. Her body and mind craved the oblivion of alcohol enough that she wasn’t in control of her actions anymore. This wasn’t the fierce female I’d grown used to; this was someone who couldn’t resist her demons alone.
