“It’s, uh …” I choke back the emotion, a little embarrassed. Solemn isn’t really my thing. “The point is, I became enthralled by knives. It helps …”
“It’s a way to hold on to her joy from that memory,” she finishes.
“Exactly. That and music. And my siblings. It’s been eighteen years, but it’s still hard not to get stuck …” I cut myself off and turn sideways to face Tessa, setting my drink down anddragging her chaise lounge closer until our knees brush. I didn’t intend on unveiling so much, so I turn things around. “It’s why I understand your mom.”
She shakes her head, refuting that. “We already touched on that. She was out of line.”
I’m not sure I could even put into words what it means that she was so pissed about me being at her parents’ but still defended me. That is a rare form of integrity.
“All the issues you have with them stem from working for us?”
“The big ones.” She stares at our entwined legs before her chest deflates. “To be fair, my mom and sisters always struggled with my choices, interests, how I think. I was the one who wasdrawn to darkness, as my mother phrased it. I made an impulsive decision when I was fifteen that they’re still not over. And I initially sought out the job here. That’s all me.”
“At fifteen? Tessa, we all do stupid shit as kids. Axel threatened me and Cash with boarding school on a weekly basis. We were little shits, always causing trouble. He had every right to be pissed.Then.But it’s over and left in the past. As it should be.”
“I get that. I don’t disagree. Axel did such a great job, considering …” She rolls her lips in. “My dad is more like that. My mom and sisters see my teenage rebellion as the beginning of my character issues though. I’ve tried to meet them in the middle. It’s just never enough.”
Since she claims she didn’t love Hunter, my guess is, he was her bridge to them. That angers me, but I steer clear of broaching my outrage that she’d settle for something she didn’t want as a peace offering.
I hook a finger under her chin and lift her face to me. “You are more than enough. You’re … everything.” So much for aloofness. I quickly tack on something she needs to hear morethan my admiration. “Your dad is so proud of you. He told me you’re the strongest person he’s ever known.”
“He did?” She’s so expectant with that, almost girlish.
And I get it. Maybe we never stop hoping our parents are proud of us, which is why I offer her some excuses for the member of her family I’m not so fond of.
“He did. He’s right. You are strong. And the rumors your mom was referring to were that my father had accidentally killed himself while taking my mother’s life with that fire. Even though that’s not true, hewasa deranged asshole, and she burned because of him. Because of the kind of men La Lune Noire caters to. Your mom’s fear makes sense from her vantage point.”
She glances away, her eyes snagging on the bubbling hot tub, as if there were wisdom streaming from those jets.
“And I do look like him,” I admit, not that her mother spewing that fact didn’t sting. “Out of all my siblings, I look the most … or I did before—”
“The tattoos and the long hair.” She utters that almost like an epiphany.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “I can’t help that I resemble him, but that’s how I manage to look in the mirror and not see the monster who treated my mother like trash, his children like a burden, or his employees like low-life servants.”
She wipes her hands and leans forward, lacing our fingers together. She’s softer here than she shows the world. “I need you to hear me when I say this. It’s important.” Once I dip my chin for her to go on, her forehead crinkles with seriousness. “You infuriate the fuck out of me. A lot.”
A boisterous laugh bellows from me, bouncing off the pool and travertine and parapet walls. “You have a real knack for heart-to-hearts, Nightmare.”
Her lips quirk into a sly smile. “That needed to be said so you’d believe the genuineness of the second part.” She squeezesmy hands. “I’ve heard enough about your parents to know you’re much more like your mom, who is always described as full of life, and nothing like your father. It was cruel of my mother to say that. I’m mortified, but I …” The slightest hint of anguish traces her features. “I want a relationship with them.”
The implication of that statement is clear. She doesn’t believe she can have both, and she won’t give them up.
I dust my thumb over her silky skin, standing and pulling her up into my arms. “Then you should fight for it.”
She rests her palms on my shoulders as she pushes down a sticky swallow, evidently taken aback by my comment. “I have been. That’s what I …” She licks her lips, her gaze tracing the ink on my pecs and abs before rising back to my face. “They’re not easy. I’ve thought about walking away, but all that does is make me feel broken, lonely, not free. I live my life on my terms and keep my door open. I’m not sure that will matter now, but I have to try.”
Slinking my hands down to the hem of her shirt, I drag it up over her head, and she lets me. I love that about her. She’s so comfortable in her skin, so willing to simply be in the moment.
Cradling one of her heavy tits, I jostle the jeweled bar in her nipple with my tongue while kneading the other breast and heeding every sound and twitch she gives me to determine what she likes. And because I’m all about equal opportunity, I switch sides, repeating it all as she wriggles and purrs.
Working my way up, I capture her mouth while simultaneously kicking off my gray joggers, until her bare curves are molded to me. Her hands rise to clutch my face as the strokes of her tongue escalate from explorative to downright feral. She’s either swept up in us or determined to give this all she’s got before she says goodbye. Or tries to.
Lifting her off the ground, I carry her over to the hot tub, which is positioned on the corner of the roof so it offers the illusion of hovering over the city beneath a blanket of stars.
Once I set her on the edge, I finally break our kiss to climb in beside her and tow her onto my lap. She drapes herself around me, legs spread to straddle my thighs, nipples peaked with the barbells grazing my skin, arms tangled behind my neck, lips cruising along my jaw.
As much as I want to flatten her to the side of this Jacuzzi and sink inside her, I want her to keep talking even more. Vulnerability is the greatest treasure with Tessa. Naked conversation seems to be a fantastic compromise.
