His response is immediate.
Maddox: Pretty much.
My breath lodges in my throat before I remind myself that he is a compulsive flirt. This means nothing. Still fun though.
Me: You need to get over that.
Maddox: I’d rather get under you.
Me: I walked right into that one.
Maddox: Of course you did. There’s nowhere you’d rather be.
Maddox: Than under me, in case you forgot the context.
A smile coasts up my cheeks, but I think it’s best to end this before we get into more complicated territory. We’ve already obliterated any semblance of a work relationship. At least I don’t really report to him.
Me: From three texts ago? I’m good. But it’s time for me to say good night. I’ll see you in a couple of days.
He doesn’t reply, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to, so I set my phone aside, relax against my fluffy pillows, and playBrothers & Sistersagain. But ten minutes later, another text comes through.
Maddox: Tell me about your drawings.
Again, he’s got me all twisted up. Does he really want to know me, or is this another facet of my life he wants to control?
Me: What do you want to know? Actually, since I only draw when the shops are empty, we should start with what you already know.
Maddox: I don’t know anything from you. Watching isn’t the same as knowing. Tell me your why.
Me: Why do I draw?
Maddox: Yeah.
Me: No one’s ever asked me that before.
Maddox: You’ll have a lot of firsts with me.
My chest is so heavy. This can’t happen. Maddox is the last person I would ever consider having a relationship with, andI’m certain he would say the same about me and relationships in general. As far as I know, he’s never had anything other than one-night stands. I doubt this is the kind of texting he does with most of his conquests though. Maybe he does. It couldn’t hurt to just have a simple conversation though. Meaningless.
Me: Based on today, I can’t argue with that.
Maddox: That was just the beginning.
Me: The beginning of what? Awkward moments? Pranks gone wrong? Reasons to flee?
Me: Ooh! Things that never made it into the Kama Sutra?
Maddox: The last one is worth exploring, but wasn’t what I was referring to. I’m not sure what’s beginning yet. I told you I wanted us to get to know each other. You had an up-close-and-personal view of me today. Give me this. Why do you draw?
How does he consider a question about my art an exchange for me screwing up his meeting? And why does that feel huge? He has a way of transforming simple interactions into what seems like a privilege. I have no idea what compels me to do it, but I tell him the truth.
Me: I get anxious and frustrated with nothing in particular, just life. But when I’m drawing, I’m so immersed in the creative process that the stress melts away. And while it can feel vulnerable,the interpretation isn’t always obvious. If I want to sketch emotions, the work stands on its own, and the perception is subjective. It brings me peace.
I hold my breath, waiting for his response. He doesn’t take long, but it stretches out like an eon because I laid myself bare with that explanation.
Maddox: A shield and an escape. Great reason. That wasn’t so hard, was it?
It is a shield and an escape. I’m impressed that he understands that.
