It’s probably better that I didn’t know because I’m not sure I could’ve washed Maddox’s off. Disturbing, I know.
I still haven’t slept. Maddox made it through surgery, though he’s still in critical condition. He didn’t sustain organ damage from the stab wound. Somehow, it missed anything vital. I took that as a huge win, in part because I’m certain he would have hated being beaten by a knife. The ultimate betrayal.
It was the gunshot wound that wreaked havoc, collapsing his lung and causing significant internal bleeding. It took a while to get the latter under control, but Dr. Landry and his staff of surgeons for the underworld are optimistic.
They couldn’t retrieve the bullet without risking further damage, so Maddox has a souvenir of our night. He’ll like that. It will be a little while before he finds out though. He’s sedated and on a ventilator. I’m in a bedside chair, holding his hand and writing my list. The staccato rhythm of the medical equipment is more soothing than it was when we first arrived. Thewhirsandbeepsandclacksrepresent notes of life rather than impending death now, so I can find the harmony in it. Much like his balisong.
Cash struts into the room, his eyes fixated on Maddox before they shift to me. He checked on him earlier, but we missed each other because he’s been handling Shane Graham’s interrogation with Gage and Liam and I was flirting with insanity. I haven’t been given details of what methods they employ to acquire their answers, but it’s likely similar to our tactics in the massacre this morning. Or far worse.
He beelines for me, crouching in front of my chair and hauling me against him, his chest trembling as he husks out, “Thank you.”
I’ve never been a hugger, but these Noires have a way of dragging me into their dark and oddly tender web.
So, without dropping Maddox’s hand, I abandon my list, scooch forward, lay my head on Cash’s shoulder, and squeeze him back. Even though he’s thanking me, guilt prickles my skin because I know his heart is only able to beat as long as Maddox’s does, just like mine. “I’m sorry I got him into—”
“Stop,” he demands without releasing me. “He’d be livid if you apologized for letting him come to your rescue. He eats that shit up.”
“Yeah.” I snicker. “I guess he does.”
“And you returned the favor—tenfold,” he adds, chipping off another chunk of my armor that has proven useless with this family.
Jax has been trying to keep the employee festivities going because Maddox would be heartbroken if they were tainted in any way, but Ryker and Axel linger in the doorway, taking in the scene. Both of them are glossy-eyed.
Cash clears his throat and chokes back his heavy emotions. Then he lets go and rises, eyeing my and Maddox’s interwoven fingers. “He’ll have a ring on it within three days of waking up.”
I’ve often thought these men were hard to understand, but maybe my time with Maddox has illuminated the deeper essence of who they are. Right now, Cash is abundantly transparent.
I’d be willing to bet that his reasoning for bringing up the possibility of an engagement is twofold. It keeps his mind focused on the future, the hope of this all being a dreadful memory we can keep in the past someday, when life is full of blissful experiences. And he’s wondering what I’d say to a proposal because despite the way he and Maddox prank one another, their bond is unwavering, and he’s protective.
My thoughts on the matter might be the most positive takeaway from this horrific ordeal, the fact that I wouldn’t even bat an eye at pledging a vow of forever to Maddox. Not because he bound me to it, but because I’m not really me without him. Because he broke down every wall I had, tied me to a throne, and freed me from my self-imposed chains. And I want a lifetime to show him what he means to me.
But what undoes me is that hopefulness swimming in Cash’s blues, battling a current of fear that his big brother, his best friend, won’t make it. So, I don’t think Maddox would mind if I gave him a more enjoyable scenario to focus on.
My lips bloom into a crafty smirk. “Rings have a way of getting kind ofstickyfor Maddox and me. It makes sense that you’d be the one aiming to puppeteer this behind the scenes though. Just like the last time you made a suggestion, Maddox and I are far tooconnectedfor either of us to walk away.”
And because it’s Cash and he’s the witty smart-ass who orchestrated the blow-job prank, he tilts his head, his wheels turning as his gaze drops to my mouth with suspicion. So, I stick out my tongue, showing that my piercing is gone. We could all use a moment of levity.
He wipes his hand over his mouth, his bouncing cheeks betraying his grin seconds before a howl of laughter busts out of him. “That makes me so fucking happy.”
The sight of him cackling is contagious, and I devolve into my own fit of hysteria.
Axel and Ryker are lost, but still seem to enjoy the two of us sharing a snippet of joy.
Cash finally sobers, heading toward the door and addressing all three of us. “We’ve got answers. The guy cracked quickly and divulged the little we didn’t know. Gage and Liam are going to give us the night while they look into both the Lunds and the Makarovs and devise a plan. They’ll meet with us tomorrow. I’m gonna go check in with Jax and the employees.” He points at Maddox. “Call me if that motherfucker wakes up.”
“Family lunch at noon tomorrow,” Axel yells after him, strolling toward me. “Right here.”
Maddox and Mercy have both mentioned their mandatory meals, but I haven’t actually experienced one—aside from our lunch on July Fourth. It’s heartwarming to see that even with them all close to one another in proximity, Axel has a pulse on the deeper aspect of their relationships.
Ryker holds up a slip of paper between his index and middle fingers. “Your father sent a note. Up to reading it, or do you want me to hold on to it?”
A note is very much my father’s style of defusing the tension, so I don’t hesitate to accept. “I’ll take it.”
He hands it over and wanders back to the threshold.
“One more thing, Tess.” Axel bends so only I can hear him. “Guilt has no place here. None of us blame you for anything. In fact, we think you’re fucking fierce. So, whatever is going on in your head that has you wanting to tell people a story about what happened that night, let it go. You and Maddox both made choices that are no one else’s business. Do you understand?”
I flick my gaze to Ryker, realizing he told Axel that I’d nearly confessed to my family that I killed Niko. He dips his chin in confirmation, so I swallow and peer back at Axel.
