Liam nodded. “We grew up in the same group home. He was the closest thing I ever had to a brother. He knows about my schizophrenia, and he was the first person in my life who treated me like I’m normal and not something…other.”
“And you didn’t like working in the garage?” she surmised.
“Oh, no. I loved it, actually.”
She frowned. “Then why would you leave?”
Liam ran a hand over the top of his head. “Ah, well, I don’t want to blame everything on my illness because that wouldn’t be entirely true, but my schizophrenia had a lot to do with it.”
He paused, choosing his words carefully, because she hadn’t made a big deal about his illness, and he didn’t want to change that—but he didn’t want to lie to her, either.
“I’ve had it for as long as I can remember, but it got worse as I got older and when I was at the garage, it was pretty much unbearable. I’d have constant blackouts and lose time. Hours and hours of it. The meds didn’t work, they still don’t, at least, not completely anyway.” He broke off quickly, his eyes widening with alarm.
“I’m not dangerous or anything, or I mean, not in that way. That’s not—” He took a breath, but she wasn’t running for the hills or even edging away from him. He shook his head and tried again.
“I felt…crazy,I guess you could say. Abnormal, certainly, and it was so…isolating. I never dared to tell anyone at the garage about it in case they fired me, and the only people I ever spoke to about it were doctors. So when Silas came looking for me, I joined the Vipers. Initially it was as a distraction, something to take my mind off my delusions, someone to talk to who wasn’t wearing a white coat, but I stayed because Silas was right, theywerelike a family, of sorts.”
A family he was betraying now. Shouldn’t that feel more wrong?
“I found a camaraderie there that had been lacking in my life. I know that probably sounds crazy to you, but when you grow up without any family at all, you go looking for it in other places, and I found it with them, at least at first.”
“What did you do for them?” Eve asked.
“I was their loan shark, mostly collections.”
When Eve frowned, Liam was quick to reassure her. “I never had to get my hands dirty. I mean, I threw a few punches, but I’ve never broken any kneecaps or anything like that. It wasn’t how it appears in the movies. And, I know it’s still illegal, I’m not proud of myself, but I never did anything worse than that. I just don’t have it in me. I’m not sure why, but people have always seemed to naturally fear me. When I came looking for money, they paid.”
Hawk leaned forward in his seat. “When you say you havedelusions, what do you mean, exactly?”
Liam huffed out a laugh devoid of humor. “I hear things.”
“What kinds of things?” Eve asked.
Whether unconsciously or not, she had moved closer to Liam, and he was grateful for it. He’d thought his story would repulse her and he’d have been less surprised if she’d moved away from him. But if she wanted to listen, then he would talk to her. About anything.
“A voice, mainly,” he answered, trying to focus on her question rather than the depth of her soft brown eyes. “In my mind. Talking to me.”
Eve blanched, and it was like a knife through his heart.
“Does it tell you to do things?” she asked.
Mate. Mine.
Liam ignored the voice and explained, “It doesn’t tell me to kill people or harm myself, if that’s what you’re thinking. At first, the doctors thought I had multiple personality disorder, but they eventually settled on schizophrenia.”
“So, what does it say—thisvoice?” she asked.
“Well, it mostly says it wants to protect me. That’s why the doctors diagnosed early onset schizophrenia rather than multiple personality disorder. They say paranoia can be one of the signs—an irrational fear, in my case, that everyone is out to get me and that’s why my mind has created this voice—this entity that wants to keep me safe.”
Hawk and Eve shared a look and though Liam couldn’t tell what had been on Hawk’s face, Eve wore an expression of alarm.
“Please don’t worry,” Liam said. “You’re perfectly safe with me. I would never hurt you.”
“Is it talking to you right now?” Eve asked.
Mate.
“No, it’s actually pretty quiet right now.”
