"Ha!" Lucian snorts, his big brown eyes dancing with unholy glee. "Lilith does strike me as the type to spam blue shells and camp the rainbow road shortcuts. Bet she's got Adrian riding bitch in her Princess Peach mobile—"
I level my patented death glare at him, which usually makes even Rhyland think twice.
He clears his throat, trying—and failing—to school his features into something resembling seriousness. "What? Can't a guy appreciate a quality gaming reference while discussing our impending doom? No? Fine. Back to our regularly scheduled crisis."
"Thank you."
He smirks. "But you gotta admit, she does have that Bowser energy—"
"Lucian!" We all shout in unison.
"Fine! Jesus, tough crowd."
"Does she even know what the full stone does?" Brax asks, his Will Ferrell face scrunching in concern as his hat jingles with every head tilt.
"Oh sure, because Lilith strikes me as the type to collect ancient artifacts without reading the instruction manual," Lucian drawls. "Next, you'll ask if Deadpool knows the difference between maximum effort and maximum cleavage. Spoiler alert—he appreciates both equally."
Brax stares at Lucian, Will Ferrell's expressive face frozen in a deadpan glare that looks wildly out of place beneath the jingling elf hat—like Santa's happiest helper just discovered coal in his stocking.
Lucian rolls his eyes, "To cause more chaos, bring her shadow boy-toy—Moldy-Wart, over for a playdate—because being Queen Bitch of the Universe isn't enough. She's probably planning to redecorate the realms in fifty shades of black while she's at it."
Brax shakes his head, bells jingling in a discordant melody. "Moretemis can't be brought over with the stone alone. It doesn't work like that."
"Right. We know she needs a sacrifice—hence Thunder Struck over there." Lucian jerks a thumb at Rhyland. "Pretty sure grandson of a thunder god and premium shadow goddess DNA was listed under 'Special Skills' on her Tinder profile.'"
"No. Not even that can bring him over."
Azrael's words echo in my head—how he needed Rhyland's sacrifice to bring Moretemis through. It makes sense now—Rhyland's blood carries both Asgardian divinity and Olympian darkness—the perfect key to unlock a dimensional nightmare.
But if Brax is saying even that wouldn't work.
What the hell is Lilith really planning?
"The stone doesn't just mimic Dani's portals—it can weave shadow essence between realms," Brax explains grimly. "Unbra isn't just darkness. It's the void behind existence. With the complete stone, Lilith wouldn't pull Moretemis here... she'd merge our realm with his, trapping us all in eternal darkness."
Well, fuck me sideways with a candy cane. Merry Christmas to us.
Lucian
76
Let's recap this shit, shall we?
Not only does Lilith have a supernatural thirst for our resident Viking, but now we discover she's not trying to import Evil Lord McShadowpants. Oh no—that would be too simple. She's going full "Darkness Falls" and trying to merge our world with the shadow realm.
Because, being an immortal pain in the ass for six millennia wasn't enough of a hobby.
Meanwhile, in our little slice of "Supernatural Home & Garden," the girls are absolutely losing their minds over our Pinterest-worthy Christmas explosion. Seraphina and company are decorating the tree like the universe didn't just drop the mother of all plot bombs.
Nothing says 'apocalypse prep' quite like hanging baubles while discussing the end of all existence.
"Should we be concerned that they're handling potential universal destruction by stress-decorating?" I mutter to no one in particular, watching Emily attempt to untangle lights with murderous determination.
Then again, maybe trimming the tree is cheaper than therapy. And hey, if we're going down, at least we'll go down festive.
Watching Dani blue-screen like a Windows 95 computer? That's a new one. And trust me, I've seen this girl survive more dramatic episodes than a CW series marathon. Kidnapping? She sassed her captors. Torture? Made jokes about their technique. Near-death experiences? Just another Tuesday.
But Adrian's zombie comeback tour? That broke her brain faster than explaining the Marvel timeline to a newcomer.
