I shrugged.
“It’s like he’s still in the service. That’s how she thinks of it. That’s how we all think of it.”
“That’s a good way to deal with it.”
“How do you deal with it?”
“With what?”
“Your brother’s distance?”
Her shoulders sagged. She chewed slower, trying to conjure the words to express her feelings. I didn’t know much, but I knew enough about their family to decipher who was around and who wasn’t.
“He’s never too far away,” she revealed. “He’s always right there when we need him. There are miles between us but there’s no distance. There’s never distance.”
“Understood.”
“How do you know the owner of The M?”
“He’s my brother.”
“No shit?”
She nodded.
“Yes. There’s twelve of us. Seven girls. Five boys.”
“Big family.”
“Really big family.”
“You have enough children running around already, huh? Niece and nephews.”
She sighed. “Not really. I don’t see the ones that live here enough. They hardly know me. I’m going to do better. Nine nieces and nephews here. From my brothers, of course.
“My sisters– none of us really ever wanted children. We didn’t dream of big families because we’ve always had one. To be honest, we prefer small units. We grew up with twelve siblings and a total of four parents. Two lost their lives early on, but still. That would’ve made sixteen of us.”
“Lost their lives?”
“To a mental illness.”
I noted the somberness of her tone. Death was a heavy load to carry. It stuck with you. The grief didn’t know when to shake loose. It lingered for years, never giving you a chance to fully recover before it reminded you of what you’d lost again.
I stopped dicing the vegetables and grabbed the hand towel to dry my damp hands. I’d almost forgotten the most important part of Royce’s meals.
“Where are you going?” She chuckled.
“To bring you joy.”
I disappeared into the pantry. Beyond its doors, I entered the cellar. Aging wine lined the walls. I didn’t bother with the labels or the names. I grabbed the first bottle that caught my eye and made my way back to Royce.
“Oh you’re after a girl’s heart,” she cheered as I rejoined her.
“I think I’ve already got it, my baby.”
I shoved my nose between the pillow and Royce’s skin. It was my favorite place to be. She was my favorite place to be. This house was haunted when she wasn’t around. It was her presence that quieted the loud silence.
She was home. It didn’t matter what structure was above us. Royce was home now. Each day I left her, I couldn’t wait to get back to her. Because, with her, I could loosen my grip on life. She untied every knot in my heart. Consumed my worries. Catered to my desires. Sucked the semen from my sack. And, walked alongside of me proudly each time I presented her publicly.
