“No, we should talk about this now.” I guide her down the hallway to the office where we can hash matters out in private.
She glances around in horror, making sure no one is watching. Everyone seems to be pretty busy except for Ms. Sanchez, who arches her brow in curiosity when herpartner dips her. Good, let her see. I’m tired of her looking at me like I’m a slice of chocolate cake.
Once we’re in the safety of my office, I let go of Lauren’s hand, and she unleashes on me. “Jax, you can’t just drag me off like that!”
“You have to tell me what’s going on, or I won’t be able to fix it.”
Releasing a sigh, she crosses her arms. “You don’t have to fix everything for me.”
My chest aches at her remark. “This isn’t about fixing things for you. I want to know what we’re doing in this relationship. In case you’ve forgotten, there are two of us involved.”
“No, you’re trying to fix me like you always do.”
“I couldn’t if I wanted to.” Anger surges in me. Things have been building up for too long. “You won’t let go of control for five seconds. Everything has to be just right, according to your standards.”
She leans against my desk, her shoulders sagging. “What a pair: a control freak and a fixer.”
I join her, leaning against the desk. “I guess we both have some things we need to work on, huh?”
She nods, staring at the ground. “I guess so.”
When she glances up at me, there’s regret in her eyes. “It’s not just that I’m a control freak. I hate to admit it, but my relationship with Austin left me with some scars. The other day, when we went horseback riding, it felt like you were hiding something from me. It was like being back with Austin again, feeling you pull away the same way he did. It felt awful.”
Instantly, I pull her into my arms. “I’m sorry. I’m not hiding things from you. I’ve opened up with you more than I have with anyone else.”
“I know that, but I haven’t been able to shake the feeling.”
“I was a little off the other morning.” I rub her arm up and down. “I feel caught between being excited about where things are going and being scared.”
“Why areyouscared?”
I don’t want to make this conversation more difficult by telling her what Rhett said the other day, but I don’t want to hold back either. If she already feels like I’m keeping things from her, hiding this won’t help us move forward, so I fill her in on the conversation, adding, “It stirred up some of my own insecurities about not being good enough for you. I understand why you want to hide this relationship, but it’s still hard for me to separate reality from the messed-up thoughts in my head.”
She looks up at me, cupping my cheek with nothing but affection in her eyes. “You’re more than good enough, Jax. I still have so much I need to overcome. I’m terrified I’ll ruin this beautiful relationship developing between us if I open it up to all the external obstacles we might face before I overcome my internal ones.” She tilts her head. “Does that make sense?”
“It does.” I snake an arm around her waist. “You take as long as you need. I’m grateful we get to work through it all together. We’ll share our relationship with the world eventually, but for now, I’m content to be us in whatever way that looks.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” I give her a squeeze. “I don’t want to push you to do something before you’re ready.”
The three little words that have rang true for years sit on the tip of my tongue, but I catch myself. I’ve had more than enough time to develop these feelings for Lauren, butshe hasn’t always felt this way about me. She fell in love with another man and planned a life with him. I don’t want to scare her off by saying something too soon that I won’t be able to take back. So instead, I offer her the best comfort I can. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She bites her lip. “So, since we’re already here, I guess they won’t notice if we’re gone a couple extra minutes, right?” She stands on her tiptoes to meet my lips, and I take everything I can get from her.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lauren
I haven’t stopped talkingCharlie’s ear off since I picked him up at the airport. We didn’t always get along this well. In high school, we’d occasionally have life talks over ice cream, but Charlie had a wild streak I wanted no part of. After he moved to LA, his need to do crazy things that made me uncomfortable dwindled, and our relationship strengthened. He started calling more to check in on me or tell me he’s proud of me. It’s been the strangest, yet most wonderful, shift in the world.
“We definitely need to play a million games of poker while you’re home, and maybe we could build a fire like old times.”
“Yeah, that’d be great,” he says, staring out the window. He’s been plastered to that thing the whole drive. “I’ll be gone for a few days for a hunting trip with Jax though.”
“You will?” I park my truck and follow him toward the big house with a confused look.
He nods casually as he swings open the door. As soon ashis front foot crosses the threshold, everyone leaps out, cheering, “Surprise!”
