“I’m not going to.”
“Good.”
With him this close to me, I can smell the scent of his cologne, clean and masculine.
“I’m tired of him making me feel worthless,” I whisper. “He called me pathetic tonight.”
“He’s wrong.”
The alcohol must be getting to me because for the first time in so long, I don’t hold back. “I’m tired of everything falling apart. It feels like him cheating on me was just the start of this downward spiral. I want to feel good again.”
“You deserve that,” he says with a soft smile.
I take his words of reassurance as my sign to lean in and close my eyes, but he immediately scurries off the couch. “What the hell, Lauren?”
Chapter Two
Jax
She’slike a drunken deer in the headlights when she looks back at me. Both her hands are braced on the couch from when she caught herself after my swift retreat.
As she straightens and finds her balance again, a blush paints her cheeks and horror fills her eyes, making me feel bad for how I reacted. Not only did I reject the woman I’ve been in love with since I was fifteen, but I rejected her right after she had to hear awful things said to her by the man who was supposed to marry her in six months.
I plop myself back down on the couch. “What was that?”
She presses her face into the palms of her hands, groaning. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to feel good again, to feel wanted. Obviously that backfired.” She laughs, but the sound is coated in embarrassment.
“What are you talking about?”
“When I first broke up with Austin, I felt relieved because it was an end to the pain I’d been feeling while ourrelationship fell apart. It was nice to stop pretending I was happy, and seeing new possibilities for my life was exciting for a little bit, but now that the excitement has worn off, reality has set in.”
Noting the flush still in her cheeks, I rise from the couch and head into the kitchen to grab her a glass of water. When I hand it to her, she gives me an appreciative smile before taking a sip.
A lock of her golden hair falls over her face as she stares at the glass in her hands, not meeting my gaze. “I miss being in a relationship. Plus, now, I have to go through life not only knowing that it’s possible for someone to say ‘I love you’ and not mean it, but also knowingI’mthe type of girl that someone would say those three words to without meaning them.”
I reach out my hand, placing it on her thigh in a lame attempt at comfort. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes as she continues. “Toward the end, Austin made me feel like something was wrong with me, and that only got worse when I found out he was cheating on me. Because of him, I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I enjoy doing in my free time, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m unlovable.” She pauses, releasing a sigh. “For as long as I can remember, my life has revolved around me holding everyone I love together, but nowmylife is blowing up, and I don’t know if I’m good enough to fix all this. I certainly wasn’t enough to fix my relationship with Austin.”
I hate seeing Lauren torn down. She used to be bold. She used to know who she was and what she loved. She wasn’t afraid to take what she wanted out of life.
Twisting the glass in her hands, she glances up at me. “I know it was stupid to think it would fix anything, but I thought kissing you would relieve some of the painI’ve been feeling and make me feel wanted again, at least for a little bit.” She drops her gaze to her lap.
I sling my arm over her shoulder, leaning my head against hers. “It’s not silly to have all these emotions after everything you’ve gone through, but kissing me isn’t going to make any of it better.”
“I don’t know what will.” She bites her lower lip, looking defeated.
I open and close my mouth as I take her hand and let silence wash over us. I want to make this better, but I don’t know how.
Finally, I say, “I don’t know what it’s like to have your heart broken, but I’ve seen people fall in and out love in my lifetime. So many lose themselves when they love someone who isn’t right for them, but now you’re free.” As I say the words, I think of my mom when she came to Roots. She blossomed into the best version of herself once we escaped my dad. “You should learn what you like and what you want in life. You’re strong—you can handle anything life throws at you. I promise you’re better off without that asshole. You just need to learn how to believe it again.”
She throws her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t. Then, we’ll make sure you do everything on it.”
She crinkles her brows. “I don’t know about that.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly, it sounds scary. I don’t want to doeverythingalone. I like people.”
