“Only because of Charlie.”I toss a hand, brushing her off.
Still, I like imagining a life where that was my path. This weekend made me realize how much I love the work I do with Lauren on the ranch. It’s given me more of a purpose than bartending ever has, and not just because I get to see Lauren. But the bar is my path. I’ve taken an ownership stake; I can’t give all of that up.
“Where else did you look for a job?” Lauren pauses in front of one of the larger trees in the row, admiring it.
“I spoke with Mrs. Harving and Mr. Colt. Neither of them would give me a job.”
“There’s your problem!” She throws up her arms. “Didyou ever consider the fact that you asked two of the most stubborn people on planet earth? Not just in Roots, all of the planet. Neither of them likes sharing responsibility of their businesses. That has nothing to do with you. Chin up. You have no idea what people really think of you.”
“This coming from the girl who didn’t understand why I’d like her.”
“That’s because the only person who has ever supposedly loved me broke all his promises.”
We reach the end of the row of trees, and instead of turning into the next aisle, I pause us under the colorful lights strung overhead, taking both her hands. “Don’t let that asshole ruin things for you. You have great friends who adore you as you are. Your family loves you, and I care for you so much.”
I press my lips gently to hers, stunned by the way such a simple touch can make my knees lock.I’m in trouble.
When we pull away, I lace my fingers in hers again and let her lead us down the next row of spruces. The music drifting softly from a speaker in the corner of the fencing grows louder as we round the corner.
Lauren scrunches her nose. “They did such a good job of creating the perfect Christmas vibe, and then they ruin it by playing non–Christmas music. Such a shame.”
“Wait, this is a good song.” I grin. “Dance with me.”
“Is it John Michael Montgomery? I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him after you made me listen to him for a million hours this trip.” She stamps her foot in mock indignation.
“It’s Ryan Kinder.” She flicks a curious gaze at me as I place my hand on her waist. “The song is called ‘Still Believe in Crazy Love.’ It’s about how he’s had his heart broken, but he still believes he’ll find beautifullove someday.”
“Cute.”
As we sway to the music, she leans her cheek against my chest. “Do you still believe in crazy love?” I ask her.
She releases a deep sigh that makes my heart nearly fall out of my chest.She doesn’t. Whatever this is will never go anywhere. I should’ve known.
“I don’t know that I did a few months ago, but I’m starting to see it’s possible to find friendship and love in the same place, and when you do, it creates something amazing.” She blushes, turning away from me to watch two children, a boy and a girl, blaze by.
“I’ve realized it’s possible to find someone who wants to lift you up, even when there’s nothing in it for them other than to see you smile.” She looks up at me, cautious hope in her eyes. “I think maybe that’s crazy love, a safe love, a kind and giving love, the kind that doesn’t turn you into someone you’re not but instead helps you find the most authentic version of yourself. So, yeah, I think I still believe in crazy love, and I have you to thank for that.”
My heart doesn’t know what to do anymore. It went from feeling trampled to feeling like it’s flying.
“What about you?” She peers up at me. “Do you believe in crazy love?”
“I think I might.”
“What does it look like for you?”
We sway back and forth for a few more moments as I consider it. “I think it’s someone who makes all the little moments feel spectacular. I want to share big, messy, tradition-filled holidays with someone, to cook and dance and laugh with someone who’s mine.”
Our eyes connect, and a smile blooms on her face. An unspoken promise lingers between us, but the song ends,and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” blares through the speakers.
Lauren pulls away. “Nowthisis Christmas!”
I chuckle. I like this version of us, the one that gets to be together and show affection out in the open. I don’t want to hide us, but I also want to give Lauren what she wants. I don’t see any way to win.
I wrap an arm around her shoulder and press a kiss to the top of her head, trying not to think about that as I ask, “Should we head home now?”
“Do we have to?”
“A tire can only be flat for so long, Freckles.” The sorrow in her eyes melts me, but I see this as my chance. When we get back to Roots, I’m going to show Lauren I can be someone she’s proud to show off to everyone.
