Her eyes go round, and she draws back a little. They set me into panic mode.Have I said too much and ruined this before it even started?
Finally settling her hand on my leg, she says, “That kiss was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve loved spending time with you. I’m scared of opening myself up to someone again, but I’m more scared of not seeing where this could go.”
Hope sparks in my chest. I’m on the cusp of what I’ve wanted for so long.
“Where do we go from here? I love spending time with you, holding your hand”—I squeeze her hand—“and kissing you, but what happens when we get back to Roots?”
“I want to keep exploring this.” She looks more certain of herself now.
“Me too.”
“But why am I the one you want more than a night with? What makes me different?”
“If you don’t understand that, then we have some work to do. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m not just talking about your gorgeous eyes or your incredibly distracting curves.” I trace a finger along her waist and wonder if she feels the same tingling sensation I do. “You’re kind. You’re smart. You’re a hard worker, and you’d do anything for the people you love. You’re humble. You’re brave. Do you need me to go on?”
“I don’t know if I could take it if you did.” She covers her blushing cheeks. “What about Charlie? Do you think he’d be weirded out by us being together? If we decide to see where things go, would that ruin your friendship?”
“I don’t know. Charlie is my best friend. I love the guy, and I know he loves me, but I’m worried it’ll be a different story if I’m dating his little sister.”
She presses her lips together. “You’re right. Maybe it is a little weird.”
After a beat, she sits up straighter. “What if we don’t need to tell him? Or anyone else for that matter.”
“What?”
“We’rejustfiguring things out. I’m worried our relationship will become more complicated if everyone in town knows. It puts pressure and expectations on us. Charlie might be weirded out at first, but you and I both know he would be so excited to see his best friend and his sister together.” She pats my leg, beaming.
Did she not hear him on the phone yesterday?
She continues. “My parents would be over the moontoo. Everyone would be planning our wedding before we’ve even had a chance to figure out what this is. Isn’t it easier to keep this between us while we figure out where this can go?”
I scratch the back of my head. “Yeah, I guess so.”
That turns her smile brighter, like she’s already made up her mind, but this doesn’t quite sit right with me. I search for something to do with my hands, but there’s nothing, no napkins close by, no loose threads on my sweatpants or the bedding, so I sit there stiff like a board. “Are you sure? You don’t even want to tell Callie and Olivia?”
“Oh, there’s no way I can keep this from them, but I’ll swear them to secrecy.”
“Not even your parents?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I’d like them to know eventually, but for now, I don’t think it’s necessary.”
My mind races as two conflicting thoughts battle for dominance. I guess this could be a good thing. It keeps the pressure off us, and a secret relationshipdoesseem exciting. Plus, this gives me the opportunity to explore things with Lauren without the risk of hearing the one thing I’m most terrified of: I’m not enough for her. Still, I wonder if Lauren wants to keep us a secret for the same reason I would if I were her: to hide from the truth just a little bit longer.
“We can keep it quiet if that’s what you want,” I finally say.
She springs into my arms, pressing a kiss to my lips. Just like that, I’m putty in her hands.
Drawing back only the slightest bit, she says, “I need you to know keeping this a secret has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. When Austin and I got together, it felt like our fate was decided for us, and I guess I’m afraid it’d be the same with you because, like you said,wedohave a foundation. Our families are intertwined in a wonderful way, but it means there’d be pressure. I want to fall in love with you because that’s whatwewant, not what anyone else wants.”
I hear her words, but all my brain registers is that she doesn’t want to tell people about us. She cares for me but not enough to share our relationship with others.
I could let this consume me, convince me I’m not enough and never will be, just like I did every time I didn’t fight for my mom, but I’d rather fight for the person I love this time.
The opportunity to be with Lauren is something I’ve wanted for so long. I’m not going to throw that away, so I shove my feelings aside. “I’ll do whatever it is you need to be happy. I just want to be with you.”
“Me too.”
I kiss her forehead. “Then let’s do this.”
