I follow his guidance and note the unsteady nature of his hands. It hits me that his world might’ve just been shaken as much as mine. I doubt many people know the truth about Jax’s dad. Hearing about his rough past makes me want to share something personal with him too. I want to show him he can trust me.
When I pull my hands away, Jax slides off the counter. “Can I do some of the steps for you?” He grabs the bottle on the counter as I nod.
When he squeezes the dropper, an absurd amount of gold syrup comes streaming out. Nervous laughter slips out as I quickly take it from him, sucking some of it back up.
As I will myself to be vulnerable with him, he swipes the serum on my face, using slow strokes and light pressure. I close my eyes and revel in the feeling of being taken care of. I don’t know the last time someone pampered me like this. Heck, I don’t know the last time I let someone take care of me at all, but I like it, especially with Jax. Despite his size, his touch is tender, warm, and caring. His blue eyes are soft as he watches me, almost with a look of awe that makes me feel like the only woman in the world.
When he pulls his hands away, I rush my words out, closing my eyes as if that will keep the words from being true. “My dad is having heart problems.”
I can’t bring myself to look Jax in the eyes or to wait for his response. I just keep word-vomiting. “That’s why I came to the bar alone a few weeks ago. My dad fainted, so we took him to the emergency room. According to the doctors, it’s just high blood pressure, but they’ve been running all kinds of tests to be sure. He already has a decent diet and gets plenty of exercise, but the ranch puts a lot of weight on him. He needs to reduce his stress and make some changes, or he can have a serious heart attack.” I glance down at the floor. I feel emotions rising inside of me, and I can see pity in Jax’s eyes. I’m not telling him this so he’ll comfort me; I’m supposed to be showing him I value his trust.
I quickly add, “I know it could be worse. We caught things in time to make changes and do some digging.”But it’s still terrifying.
Reducing Dad’s stress means almost no work on the ranch, and he’s having a heck of time letting go. In the occasional times he does, I swear he’s losing the essence of who he is. It makes me think about what it’d be like to lose him, and Ican’t. I love my whole family, but I’ve always connected more with Dad and Charlie. Charlie already left. I can’t take losing my dad too.
Then there’s the pressure I’m putting on myself to care for the ranch and make all of Dad’s sacrifices worthwhile. It’d be selfish to complain about having to take care of things on my own when Dad needs rest to prioritize his health, but it’s still so heavy.
I prop myself on the counter, trying to clear my head. If I let myself marinate for too long, I might accidentally cry in front of Jax, which is the last thing I want.
“Thank you for sharing with me.” Jax grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.”
“For what it’s worth, your dad is the strongest mother trucker I’ve ever seen. Nothing can take that man down or steal his essence.”
His avoidance of using the actual word puts a half-hearted smile on my face. “You’re right about that. He is averystrong mother trucker.”
“I know you two are close, and I can only imagine how scary it must be to learn the person you’ve always looked up to has an Achilles heel. Knowing you, you’re probably turning your responsibility for the ranch into a burden you have to carry alone now.”
Curse him for knowing me so well.I thought I was doing a better job of hiding it.
Jax makes a point of meeting my gaze as he adds, “I’mhere for you, and when you need someone to hold you or make you smile, I’ll be there.”
My mind swirls as Jax squeezes my hand tightly, and I try to grasp everything that just happened, all the comfort and kindness he just provided me with. It’s astounding how much peace he can bring me after I felt so defeated moments ago.How on earth is Jax Greer still single?
He must see my wheels turning because he narrows his eyes. “What’s going through your mind right now, Freckles?”
“Why have you never been in a real relationship?” Shadows cross over his face until I continue. “You’re sweet, handsome, and funny. Why not share that with someone? Why just have strings of uncommitted relationships?”
He lets go of my hand, stepping back. “I’ve never seen the point.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Leaning against the counter, he sighs. “Do you really want to know?”
I nod, anticipation filling me.
“I’ve never felt good enough. My whole life, I’ve been told the Carter men are nothing but trouble. My grandpa was an addict, and he cheated on his wife. My dad’s vice was gambling, but it destroyed our family just the same.”
He pauses, but I remain silent, giving him the room to keep going.
“When I was younger, I was afraid of being like the two of them. I was terrified of being an addict and destroying my family if I was lucky enough to have one. I was so scared of the monsters that came before me I didn’t realize I was turning into one myself every time I cowered in fear instead of standing up for my mom. People in town look at me with pity because of my past, but the people who know me bestknow the truth. They know I only hurt those I love. Everyone is better off without me.”
The pain in his eyes and brokenness in his voice splits my heart in two.
“Jax, you seriously think that’s how people look at you? Even the people you love?”
“Iknowthey do.” He turns around, collecting my scattered bottles from the counter and neatly placing them in my bag. “I can brush off the things some outsider in town says, but I’ll never forget the things the people I love have said.”
