“Of course.” She rubs my back affectionately before pulling away. “Now what else is on your mind? Rhett said you were pretty distracted today. I know the thing with your dad has been weighing on you, but it usually takes more than that to throw you off your game.”
“That’s because it wasn’t what was throwing me off today.” I grab my cupcake off the table, taking a bite as I debate how much to tell my friends. I don’t want to invade Jax’s privacy by sharing about his nightmares. “Jax is going through something, but he refuses to tell me what it is.”
“Jax isn’t Austin,” Olivia says, always the voice of reason.
“I know that. My heart and mind both know that.”
Callie licks frosting off her fork. “You need to remember this man cares deeply for you. There’s no denying it. Whatever’s going on has nothing to do with you.”
“I want to believe that, but everything changed so quickly. We went from seemingly being all in and ready to share our relationship with the world to him keeping secrets from me. After everything I’ve been through, it makes me feel?—”
“Like it was all an illusion, and you should’ve known you couldn’t have it?” Olivia says, her voice soft.
Gosh, did everyone around me know this was headed south except for me?
I pick at my cupcake on my plate. I’ve separated the frosting from the cake and have been slowly nibbling at the bottom, but the more this discussion progresses, the less I want to eat anything, which sucks because this cupcake is delicious.
Olivia reaches her hand out, stopping me from turning my cupcake into a bigger mess. “I didn’t mean that’s true. I’m saying it’s easy to feel that way. That’s how I felt when I started looking at jobs around here. It was my first attempt at going after what I wanted, and I was flat out told I was wrong for wanting it. That little rejection from one person sent me spiraling. I thought it was a sign I wasn’t good enough, that I was stupid for ever thinking everything could work out, but, with some help from the people I loved, I realized I couldn’t let one little incident knock me down and stop me from chasing after what I want.”
A spark of hope ignites in my chest.
“I know you’ve been through some hard things.” Olivia rubs my arm as Bella leaves her lap and curls up in mine. “Between what happened with Austin and now your dad’s health complications, I know it’s easy to believe you’ll never catch a break. You start to question if you even deserve good things, if you’re worthy of the love you want in life, but all those thoughts are just thoughts. They come from the shadows inside of you, and they don’t deserve to be brought into the light. Instead of believing them, this is the part where you fight to show the universe you’re stronger than you used to be. This is the part where you recognize your worth and make sure you get what you want.”
“How’d you get so good at giving pep talks?”
“Because I know what it feels like to be rejected and toquestion if you’re deserving, but I also know what it’s like to come out on the other side. Don’t let Jax push you away. I tried to push Rhett away when I thought I couldn’t make everything work. If he had stepped aside and let me, I probably wouldn’t be in Roots anymore.” She gives a guilty smile. “Maybe Jax just needs to know he has someone in his court who will fight for him.”
“You’re right. I need to talk with him.” I nibble at my cupcake. “How do I do that?”
“Just be honest with him. Jax adores you, and all good relationships are built on a foundation of trust and honesty.” Callie pats my knee.
Chapter Fifty-One
Lauren
I should be spendingSunday morning breakfast enjoying the beautiful meal Mom prepared and basking in the fact that Dad is home safe and I have a new cowboy to help out on the ranch, but instead, I pick at my food as I run my conversation with Dad through my mind a million different times.
He stands from the table as the meal winds down. “Before everyone goes their separate ways, I want to say how happy I am that we can all be here together for breakfast on this lovely Sunday morning. We’re really looking forward to having you work on the ranch, Zach.”
Dad holds up his nearly empty glass of water with a cheesy grin, and I share a knowing glance with Mom. We were talking this morning about how he’s been extra sentimental since he came home yesterday.
Everyone raises their glasses to follow suit, and then we quickly disperse.
“I’m sad Jax couldn’t join us this morning,” Nana says as the two of us head into the kitchen with empty dishes. “Your second hire should’ve been here.”
I don’t look her in the eye as I pass her a dish to clean. She knows something is going on, and I really don’t feel like talking about it now.
I texted him to try to find a time to talk, and he blew me off, giving some lame excuse about needing to help Carol with new puppies that came to the rescue this morning. The worst part is, I know Jax was lying about helping because Olivia confirmed there are no new dogs at the rescue right now. My stomach flip flops again at the thought.
“Yeah, too bad.” I finish drying a dish and put it in the cabinet. “What’d you think of Zach?”
Nana pauses her scrubbing to narrow her eyes at me but answers my question anyway. “He seems nice. I’m glad he was able to join us so I could meet him.”
“Me too. I know it helped Dad feel a little more involved in the ranch. He has such a hard time letting go.”
Nana pauses with the dish she’s cleaning, glancing up at me. “That bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“What does?”
