He freezes, looking almost guilty, and my guard goes up. I’ve seen the exact same look on Jax’s face when he refused to tell me about the letter from his dad. IknowJax is a good man, but it doesn’t stop the alarm bells from sounding in my head.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Grinchie, that’s the second time your Joker smile has come out in less than ten minutes. Am I going to need to change your nickname?”
“Well, wearepast Christmas, so it’d only make sense to give me a new one.”
I cross my arms. “You’re deflecting.”
The smile on his face fades. “I’m dealing with something, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”
“Okay,” I say hesitantly, unsure how to feel.
He rubs my arm up and down. “When I’m ready to talk it through, you’ll be the first one to know. In the meantime, you just focus on your dad, okay?”
I nod, feeling a bit better. I don’t have any reason not to trust him. When he got the letter from his dad, he told me about it when he was ready. He’s been thoughtful and honest during every step of our relationship thus far, and even though he hasn’t told me he loves me, the song he played for me two nights ago and the look in his eyes whenever his gaze settles on mine tells me he does. We’re going to be okay.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Jax
Lauren’s dadis being released tomorrow morning, and she still hasn’t slept a night in her own bed since he was hospitalized. She’s been to the ranch, making sure everything is set for planting next week, taking Bella on gentle walks, and ensuring Rhett has the support he needs, but she has refused to sleep in her own bed until I dragged her out of the hospital tonight.
“You’re going to be thanking me when you wake up feeling bright-eyed and bushy tailed for the first time in several days,” I tell her as she walks into her bathroom.
She’s been acting annoyed that I took her home, but she didn’t put up a big fight, so I know she recognizes she needs rest. I’m proud of her.
“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.” She rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile crossing her lips as she turns away from me.
While she pulls bottles from her cabinet, I ground myself in the sound of them clanking together, in themotion of her hands as she gently swipes the products across her face with care, and in the fresh scent of lavender and tea tree oils that emanate from the bathroom. It only works for a few seconds before my mind is drifting back to my dad’s presence in my life again.
I’ve had two whole days to process his arrival and figure out what to do, but I’ve made no progress. I thought I’d be in a place to tell Lauren what’s going on without burdening her, but I’m not confident I’ll ever be able to forgive him for what he’s done, and I don’t want to intentionally put myself back where I was when I was fifteen. I’ve found peace now. I don’t want to disrupt that. Plus, there’s a part of me that doesn’t trust him when he says he came back to make amends. That doesn’t sound like the man I know, and I don’t want to think about what it would mean if he were lying.
But I do anyway. He could show up unannounced. He might go to Mom, demanding money.And what if he found out about Lauren?I wouldn’t put it past him to think her family’s ownership of thousands of acres would mean they have money he could gamble away.
No. No. No.My mind spins out of control quickly.
“Do you want me to do your skincare?” Lauren asks.
Her voice makes me jump from my place on the edge of her mattress. She narrows her eyes as she stands in the bathroom doorway, her hands full of glass bottles. I focus on her, trying to pull my mind from the dark place it just went. Her blonde hair is pulled into a tiny braid that just barely passes the line of her T-shirt on the back of her neck, and her skin is shining from her moisturizer. Even with her eyes narrowed on me, I don’t miss the way they swirl with a beautiful mix of blue, gold, and green.
It finally hits me she’s waiting for my response, so I shift on the bed, telling her, “No, that’s okay. I’m kind of tired.”
“Me too.” She plops on the bed next to me.
“You’re still worried about your dad, huh?”
She grimaces. “What gave it away?”
“Well for starters, I had to practically sack-of-potatoes you out of the hospital today.” I smirk.
She shoves my shoulder, dropping her mouth open. “You didnot. I went willingly.” When she laughs, it breathes a little bit of life into me.
“Sure you did,” I tease.
“You’re the worst.” She crosses her arms.
