“Come on.” Dad’s eyebrows pinch. “She deserves the chance to hear me out.”
“She doesn’t need you. I’m not going to let you hurt her now.”
Something on his face shifts. “Jax, you know what happened back then wasn’t your fault, right? It wasn’t your job to protect your mom from me and my mess. We’re your parents.We’rethe ones who were supposed to protectyou.We’rethe ones who failed you.”
Hearing those words releases a whole swarm of emotions I’m not ready to deal with. I want to bask in the comfort my dad is trying to offer. After all, I’ve wanted to hear those very words all my life, and to hear them filled with genuine remorse makes me feel things, but at the same time, hearing them come from the man who tore our family apart makes me think they can’t be true. I guess Iama monster. Ididfail Mom.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll give y’all some space, and I can come back soon.” Dad shuffles off the porch. “That’ll give you some time to process and prepare, but I really think having this conversation will be healing for everyone. I’mnot asking you to forgive me, just to hear me out. Do you think you can do that?”
Can I?I’m not even sure. As much as Lauren has given me a confidence I never had before, there are things I need to work on, and until I do, I don’t think I’ll be ready to hear my dad out. But I want to get to a point where I can be. Iwantto heal. Iwantto grow. I long for the peace I saw flash in Lauren’s eyes when she told me she wasn’t being dragged down by the old version of herself anymore. I just don’t know how to get there.
“I’m not ready.” I hate how shaky my voice is. This man has destroyed me even more than I realized. Healing isn’t going to be easy.
Dad nods his head, and his gentle nature surprises me. Maybe he is changing, but it’s difficult to believe it after all the times he’s let me down.
Handing me a piece of paper, he says, “Here’s my phone number. When you’re ready, go ahead and give me a call.” He turns on his heel and walks toward his truck, his head down.
As I watch him go, the hope and reason inside me evaporate, paranoia filling their place.What if he’s going to Mom and Aunt Carol’s place right now? What if he doesn’t respect my request and blindsides them?I can’t even imagine how upsetting that would be for Mom. She still thinks he’s in jail.
And what if he lied about being in Gambler’s Anonymous? What if what he really needs is money, like he always did?He could show up drunk and ready to throw fists!
I pull my phone out to call Lauren. She’s the only person I know who could talk me out of this spiral. She will be my voice of reason and guide me down the right path, but as I hover my thumb over the call button, it hits me she’sstill at the hospital with her dad. She doesn’t need to deal with my crisis right now. She needs rest, and if I tell her what’s going on, she’ll be ready to tackle this with me, just like she was when she found out about the letter.
I’ve already failed at protecting one woman I love from my dad. I need to be strong and figure out how to handle this on my own. I can tell Lauren everything once it’s resolved.
Instead of doing what I know is rational, I hop in my truck and drive to Mom and Aunt Carol’s, parking in the driveway to keep watch. The only sleep I get is interrupted by a nightmare I haven’t had in several years.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Lauren
Jax’s smileas he walks through the automatic doors of the hospital immediately lights up the room. While there are a few wreaths and string lights hung throughout the halls and waiting rooms, I’ve determined this city hospital could learn a lesson or two from Roots. It’s sterile and lacks charm. After spending close to a full day here, I need a little ray of sunshine.
“Hi, gorgeous.” Jax opens up his arms, and I easily slide into them.
“Gross.” Charlie mutters, but I can see on his face that he’s glad to know we’re both happy and that I’ve found someone who treats me right.
Jax glares in Charlie’s direction. “Aren’t you supposed to go home soon?”
“I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
“Good,” Jax says, but I can feel the weight hanging over all of us at the thought. He glances down at me. “How’s my girl doing?”
“I’m tired, but I’m much better now that you’re here. How’smygirl doing?”
“Bella’s doing great.” He releases me. “Although Mom says she’s getting a little restless, like she wants to play.”
“Poor thing. Tell her thank you again for me.”
He nods, and it’s then that I notice the shadows playing in his eyes. He looks both tired and wired.
“Are you okay?” I narrow my eyes on him. “Did you get any sleep last night? You don’t look so good.”
“Gee, thanks.” He frowns.
“You know what I meant. I’m looking out for you.”
“I know, and I appreciate it, but you don’t need to worry about me. You’ve got a lot going on right now.”
