Hurt and confusion mix with anger. How dare I let myself start to feel something for someone again when Iknowbetter. She’s going to leave me behind like everyone else. I’ve always known I couldn’t have love in my life.Why did I think this time would be any different?How did I let this happen?
I sit up abruptly. “It’s getting pretty late. I know we said this day wouldn’t end, but I think it’s time that it did.”
She nods, pain swirling in her beautiful amber eyes. I want nothing more than to hug her tight to me. I never want to be the one responsible for hurting her. I want to be the one who makes her feel loved, who helps make her problems easier to handle. Instead of saying anything, I stand, offering her my hand to help her up too.
“Thanks for bringing me out here. It really is beautiful. Roots is more than I thought it was when I first came here.”
I give her a soft smile, trying to hold back my own emotions. I’m not mad at her. She did nothing wrong. “I’m glad you had fun today. I guess even if you can’t stay, maybe you gained some appreciation for this little town.”
“Yeah, I did. I guess it’s better we head back now. I have to work an early shift at the café tomorrow.”
She helps me fold the blanket up and then leads the way down the path. She’s acting nonchalant, but I just know she’s feeling the same sense of sorrow and regret I’m feeling too. I wish things were simpler, but I have some things I still need to work on, and she has a whole other life waiting for her in San Francisco.
* * *
Less than twenty minutes later, I’m pounding on Callie’s door. She swings the door open wielding a spatula, a messy mop of hair on her head, and a wild look in her eye.
“What the hell are you going to do with that?” I chuckle. “Were you planning on murdering me with a Cutco? At least get a sturdy frying pan like Olivia.”
She narrows her eyes, dropping the spatula to her side as I brush past her. “What the hell are you doing showing up at my door right now? It’s almost midnight!”
“We need to talk.”
She closes the door behind her and swivels toward me with her arms crossed. “Awfully bold of you to come pounding on my door late at night considering you stormed out on me the last time we saw each other.”
“Yeah, well I stormed out because I came there to talk about finances, but instead you ambushed me about Olivia.”
“Touché.”
“Damn right.” I huff. Realizing my arms are crossed, I release them. I need to cool things off between us, or we aren’t going to get anywhere. “I’m sorry for storming out.”
“I’m listening.”
“I know you had my best interest in mind, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what you said. I can’t deny my feelings for Olivia, and I’ve even tried to give things a go with her. We almost kissed a few days ago, but we were interrupted. Then we spent the whole day together today, and it was amazing.”
“That’s great! Why’d you have to come tell me at midnight? It couldn’t wait?”
“No, it couldn’t, because I’m not finished. It was amazing, but then it ended with us almost kissing again, and this time we chose not to.”
“Why not?”
“It can’t work between us. She’s going to leave.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I do. I spent the whole day showing her how great Roots is, and she told me it didn’t change a thing. She’s still going back to San Francisco and that terrible job. I just don’t get it.” I hang my head in my hands. “I knew this was coming. I shouldn’t be this disappointed. I thought things could be different, but this proves I don’t deserve love. I picked the wrong person.”
She takes a few steps toward me, reaching out to pull me into a hug. I allow her to wrap her arms around me and hesitantly wrap an arm around her. It does feel good to have someone who knows about all my flaws here to comfort me.
When she draws back, she makes a point of looking me in the eye. “Rhett, I never want to hear you say those words ever again. You’re an incredible man who deserves to be happy. I wish you’d recognize that. Olivia looks at you like you put the stars in the sky. I’ve seen it. You don’t have to change a thing for her to continue to fall for you. The real issue lies in whether or not you can allow yourself to believe you’re worthy of her love. Otherwise, you will just keep closing yourself off before you even get the chance to explore something amazing with her.”
“You don’t get it. My parents’ marriage was great until they had me. I drove them apart. Isabel convinced me their relationship wasn’t representative of all relationships, but then I had to go and pick a stupid fight with her, and she died because of me. She wouldn’t have been in that Uber, at that intersection, if I could’ve just pushed aside my ego for a moment. Then of all the people to start opening up to again afterfouryears, I choose a girl who I know is leaving.Every singletime I was the one responsible for the heartache I’ve had to go through. I’m finally accepting that I’ll never be enough to keep someone who loves me in my life.”
“That’s not true. Olivia could be the one. I canfeelit.”
“Even if she stayed here in Roots, our relationship would only end in worse tragedy. That’s just how my life goes.”
“Stop it! I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. Have you ever paused to consider all the people who love you right this very second? Me. Jack and Mandi. Olivia. Even Maverick loves you. You can’t tell me that you’re not worthy of love when you’re surrounded by people who love you. Maybe things didn’t go perfectly in your life, but when you get kicked down, you get back up. You know that.” Her voice is sharp, and it stuns me.
