“How come you still didn’t share everything with me this summer after seeing the therapist and letting me back into your life? Didn’t she teach you to let people in?”
He shrugs. “I’d like to say I’ve gotten better at expressing my feelings. Before the accident, I never talked about you, but you heard Brendan say the other day that I talk about you all the time. I’m opening up little by little. It’s just with you, I always had to hide my feelings because I didn’t think you felt the same way about me, and I was terrified that telling you how I felt would ruin things between us. I guess it was just hard to realize things have changed now. You know, old habits and whatnot. I understand now that things have shifted between us, and I need to talk to you if I want to keep you. I’m going to be better. I hope I’m already being better now.”
“You are, Andrew. I’m sorry. I got so wrapped up in whatIfelt and myownloss that I didn’t ever even consider that maybe you were just doing the best you could. Thank you for sharing with me.” I can’t help but add again, “I love you so much. I wish I could’ve been there for you through your grief, but I can be there for you moving forward.”
“I love you too. I’d like that.” With those words, Andrew’s soft smile, and the giddy feelings they bring with it, we are swept up into more kissing.
When we finally break apart for air, Andrew asks with a hopeful smirk, “So, what does this extra convincinginvolve?”
“The kind that requires you to follow me and not ask any questions.” I wink at him.
Here comes that radiant smile of his again. This one reaches his eyes. “Will there be food on this surprise? I haven’t left my room all day, and I’m kind of hungry.”
“You’re really asking me whether or not there will be food? When I’m involved, that should be obvious!”
CHAPTER 38
Summer 19
We drove for the first ten minutes in comfortable silence. We both needed the space to process everything that had happened over the past few days as well as the last hour.
As we drive down backroads to our destination, I let one of my recently curated playlists play softly in the background. The playlist is entirely composed of songs Andrew and I have shown one another throughout the summer.
When Zach Bryan’s “Sun to Me” comes on the speakers, Andrew wordlessly leans forward in his seat to turn up the volume. I can’t help but sing along because I know every word by heart. It’s one of my favorites.
As the song proceeds, I can’t help but pause the music and break the gentle silence. “I liked this song before, but I think it just took on a whole new meaning for me.”
Andrew glances my way. “How so?”
“Listen to this part,” I instruct, rewinding the song a bit and then pressing play. I grab his left hand as the music flows for about thirty seconds before I pause it again.
He looks at me, the faintest hint of a smile beginning to show. “Why’d you pause it again?”
“I just have to explain myself. Then I promise we can start the song all over again,” I charm, pressing my lips to the top of his hand. “You helped me when I was in a really low place. I was mourning the loss of Rebecca, and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to move forward from it, especially not here where memories of her are lingering like shadows around every corner. But you brought me from this dark place to this place of light. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders since the beginning of the summer. And you’ve continued to help me in ways that go beyond my grief. You’ve called me out on my shit and pushed me to overcome my fears. Obviously, I still have a lot to work out, but you’re helping me make strides forward.”
“You got all of that from thirty seconds of song? Wow.” He doesn’t say anything else. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Andrew not have something perfectly clever or charming to say. Slowly, as my words sink in, a smile spreads wide on his face. Is that a blush I see crossing his cheeks?
After another beat, he demands, “Pull over.”
“What? We’re almost there. What’s wrong?”
I pull over to the side of the road despite my confusion, and the second I put the car in park, Andrew leans forward to restart the song and press his lips to mine. Again, it’s one of those kisses that is meant to express everything we can’t seem to say with words, but I receive his message loud and clear. He feels the same way about me. I light his shadows too.
When we pull apart, we listen to the song together again, with my head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around me. I can tell, just from the way he holds me and the way he kissed me, that he got my message.
When the song ends, I slowly pull the car back onto the road, not quite ready for this moment to end, but so excited forwhat’s next. “We’re almost there. I’m excited on your behalf.” I giggle with glee.
“You sure are talking this up. Do you want to give me a hint?”
“By the time I come up with a hint, we’ll be there.”
“Aw, come on!” he pleads with me.
“We’re here.” I nod my head in the direction of the scene I set up for him earlier today.
He takes in the scene and then turns to look at me. He’s ecstatic. “You didnot!” he exclaims. Already I can tell I nailed it, and I can’t help but feel proud of myself for putting this together for him.
The edges of my mouth turn up into a sheepish grin. “I did.”
